Time to Grieve
by Onora
Summary: This story begins just after Gabrielle falls into the pit at the end of Sacrifice and looks at what happens to Xena and Joxer afterwards
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle and all the other folks from the Xenaverse belong to MCA and Ren Pictures. I'm just playing in their sandbox for a little while.  
  
This story begins just after Gabrielle fell in to the pit in Sacrifice.  
  
Time to Grieve  
  
Chapter 1  
  
As I watch Callisto's lifeless body slowly sink to the floor, I know I should feel something. Yet as I turn back to fiery pit there is nothing but emptiness. Gabrielle is gone and her death has left me numb. Her death...even as the words form in my mind I still refuse to believe.  
  
Slowly I rise to my feet and step to the edge of the blazing abyss. Searing heat stings my face. How easy it would be to step over the edge and end this madness once and for all. The fiery depths would be a welcome relief from the overwhelming emptiness. 'No!' screams a voice in my head. 'No.' it whispers now. Dropping my head in shame I know the voice is right. Gabrielle gave her life for love, how can I be such a coward to end mine out of fear.  
  
Staring into the abyss a heartfelt whisper escapes my lips. "Goodbye...my love." Strange, now that she is gone I'm finally able to admit my feelings for her. Why didn't I tell her before it was too late? 'Because I'm a coward.' Scoffing at my own stupidity I turn from the pit, only to realize there is another whose pain runs as deeply as mine, perhaps deeper.  
  
Her courage and bravery are legendary, without a doubt she is the mightiest warrior I've ever known. Yet standing before me now she seems so...helpless. The last few days have clearly taken their toll. Blood and bruises tell of the pain her body has endured, but it's her eyes, which speak of true suffering. They say the eyes are the mirrors of the soul. If that is true then those deep blue mirrors are reflecting the most lost, helpless soul I've ever seen. I've never seen her look so beaten. And why shouldn't she, I've merely lost the woman I love, she's lost a part of her soul.  
  
Without a word she moves toward the pit, the agony in her eyes betrays her thoughts of stepping over the edge. I move to block her path, hoping it will be enough to stop her. Halting in mid step she stares as if seeing me for the first time. Hesitating she seems to be waging some interior battle. Knowing I lack the skills to stop her if she decides to jump, I refuse to let her go without a fight. Steadying myself I wait for her to act. Slowly she reaches out to place a hand upon my chest. Flinching at her touch I curse myself for being so frightened. Instead of a death grip her touch is gentle almost reassuring. The corners of her mouth turn up slightly, though the haunting pain in her eyes remains. Seeing her weakness I suddenly want to reach for her, too hold her close and share her sorrow. Placing a hand over the one resting on my chest I start to speak her name. As my mouth opens the sound is drown out by a scream of terror.  
  
Behind the warrior I see the former high priest charging, his sword held high as he intends to cut Xena in half. Almost dreamlike she slowly turns to meet his attack I know she will not be able to stop him in time. Fear gives me the strength to act. Seeing the sword begin its downward strike I throw myself at her. As we fall to the floor I feel the blade slicing through my shirt to strike flesh, strangely there is no pain. From behind us a blood-curling scream echoes through the temple. I turn in time to see the priest carried over the edge of the pit by his own momentum. For the first time this day I feel a twinge of satisfaction.  
  
"It's finally over." whispers a voice.  
  
Xena and I turn to the young blond haired woman Gabrielle called friend.  
  
'Over? she said, it's not over it's just beginning.' I envy her native innocents for she has no idea the long term effects of what has happened here today. I'm not sure I understand all of it. Looking down I find sky blue eyes staring up at me. Realizing my awkward position atop the warrior I quickly move to one side, allowing her to stand. Once on her feet she offers a hand to me. I accept it. As I rise to my feet, she grabs my shoulder with her free hand.  
  
"You're bleeding."  
  
Had the circumstances been different the concern in her voice would have been touching. I try not to flinch as strong fingers expertly examine the wound. Without warning she rips a length of cloth from my sleeve. Silently I watch her tightly wrap the torn cloth around the wound. A less than gentle jerk secures the makeshift bandage into place.  
  
Eyeing the bandage I start to thank her, but she turns away. Slowly she moves toward something lying on the floor. As she bends to retrieve the object my heart sinks once more. Carefully she turns Gabrielle's staff in her hands, caressing it as if it were a living thing. I wait for her to surrender to the sorrow, but instead she turns toward the entrance. As I watch her turn away I can think of only one question.  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"Bury the dead." she replies without turning back. The sound of her retreating footsteps echo eerily through out the silent temple.  
  
Night is falling as the last of the pyres are filled. Dahok may not have gotten all the blood he wanted. But from the number of pyres spread out across the grassy plain, I can't help but feel he came pretty damn close. It's amazing how many of the villagers have stayed behind to help bury the dead. Not just their own but the temple guards as well. An overwhelming silence fills the air as the last of the pyres are readied.  
  
All evening the villagers have moved around Xena unsure of how to act towards her. It's obvious they are grieving for her loss, still none have the courage to approach her and voice their feelings. While the villagers feel the warrior's pain, they are concerned. I've heard the whispers as they wonder what will happen now that Gabrielle is gone. Without the bard to quiet her rage who will keep the warrior on her path of redeemion? They respect Xena yet at the same time they fear her. And who am I to condemn them for their fears when I'm to much of a coward to face her myself. She's my friend and yet when she needs me most I'm too weak to offer her any help.  
  
The truth is I'm afraid. Afraid of what she will do when her grief is released. Solan's death drove her to the brink of insanity will Gabrielle's push her over the edge? If so, who will stop her? Without Gabrielle can anyone stop her?  
  
With the pyres complete, a slow moving parade of villagers lit their torches from the small fire I've built. Armed with a lit torch Xena approaches the pyre closest to us. A twinge of guilt nags at me as I remember my anger when she began building it. How could she even suggest such a thing? As I watched her build it, I slowly began to realize it was something she needed to do. It was time to bury the past, bury the anger and the pain, it was time to let go, time to forgive. Gabrielle would have wanted that. Still as I watch her touch the torch to Callisto's pyre I can't help but wonder at the irony of it. Here she stands giving her most hated enemy a proper burial, yet she will never be able to perform the same honor for the one person she loved most. As the light from blazing pyres begins to fill the night sky, I can't help but think how truly cold hearted the Fates can be. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Gazing skyward through the thinning smoke I realize the moon is well overhead. It's too late to travel, not that I have any idea where to go. I guess we should make camp. The most logical place would be the temple, but there is no way I'm going back there. Maybe Xena has a plan.  
  
The warrior's large form stands silhouetted against the dying embers of Callisto's pyre, a silent sentinel standing watch over the funeral fires. Beside me Saraphen coughs out a choked sob, her mourning has been as loud as Xena's was silent. Though I've tried to offer the young woman some comfort, my thoughts keep wandering to the warrior. Her silence is more disturbing to me then all the sobbing wails circling among those gathered in the valley. I almost wish she would cry out, at least then I would know she is feeling something. Instead I fear the emptiness I'm feeling is consuming her as well.  
  
Saraphen begins another sobbing fit reluctantly I slip an arm around her shoulders hopelessly trying to silence her. As her sobs finally quiet to soft whimpers I turn to the pyres. Fear grips my heart as I realize Xena is gone. Frantically I search the growing darkness for any sign of her. She must have slipped into the forest while I wasn't looking. How could I have been such an idiot? I never should have left her side. Maybe I should go look for her. A jerking sob from Saraphen ends any thoughts of following the warrior. Saraphen needs someone to watch over her and we still need to make camp. Despair begins to tug at my already faltering courage. From out of the dark night a gentle breeze passes over my face, soft neighing drifts along with it. I know that sound anywhere maybe if I find Argo I'll find Xena. Holding the young woman by the shoulders I led us toward the sound.  
  
1.  
  
Finding Argo hadn't been as hard as I had feared. In fact I think the horse was looking for me. The clearing she is gazing near has already been prepared for a camp. Xena and Gabrielle must have set it up before entering the temple. Somehow I've even managed to get a fire started. Sitting before the fire Saraphen silently rocks back and forth lost in her grief. Checking the wood supply I know it will not last till morning. I explain to Saraphen about the wood and why I need to leave for a little while, she nods but it is obvious she is not listening to me. Lacking the patience to repeat myself, I raise and start into the forest. Wood is not the only reason I need to get away from the cleaning, I need sometime alone, sometime to think. As the light from the fire fades shadows dance through the trees, I wonder if one of them might belong to Xena. If only I'd been paying closer attention maybe I could have followed her. 'Yeah right.' Nobody follows Xena unless she wants to be followed. What if she doesn't return? Panic seizes me, this is something I hadn't considered. What if I never see her again? The thought sends a chill down my spine.  
  
1.  
  
Plans for an early morning search are forming in my mind as I approach the camp. Stepping into the clearing I'm startled by the sight of Xena approaching from the opposite side. I actually feel a twinge of joy at the sight of her. Though it is quickly crushed as she moves toward Saraphen, there is something about the set of her jaw, which frightens me.  
  
"Where did you get that?!" bellows the warrior.  
  
Shocked by the enraged warrior's return the smaller woman draws back. "Wh...what?"  
  
Xena snatchs a well worn blanket from trembling fingers. "Don't you ever touch those bags again!"  
  
A shiver runs down my spine at the warrior's deadly tone. Dropping the firewood I move toward them though I'm not sure what to do.  
  
"I...I was cold." stutters Saraphen."I thought it was Gabrielle's..."  
  
"It 'is' Gabrielle's." hisses Xena through clenched teeth.  
  
Saraphen's eyes narrow in anger as she raises to faced Xena. I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid.  
  
"Gabrielle was my friend," her tone has changed from frightened to challenging. "I don't think 'she' would have minded me using her blanket."  
  
'That was stupid.' I cringe waiting for Xena's reply.  
  
Leaning to within inches of the blond's face, Xena whispers with barely restrained fury. "Well 'I' do mind."  
  
Seeing Xena so close to the edge I'm frightened by what she might do. Gathering my bedroll I manage to move between the women. "Here," offering Saraphen my blankets. "use these."  
  
Hesitating she finally backs down and accepted the blankets. "Thanks." she replies with a weak smile, the smile disappeared as she moves pass Xena.  
  
Turning to face the warrior I find her glaring at me. If looks could kill I'd be half way to Cheron's boat by now. Swallowing hard I try to find the words to explain.  
  
Ignoring me she storms to the small pile of belongings she calls her own. With one hand she scoops up her bedroll and tosses it to me without a word.  
  
"Thanks..." I mumble as she turns away.  
  
Kneeling beside Gabrielle's belongings she carefully inspects them. Satisfied everything is as it should be she drops to the ground with her back to the fire. Lifting the blanket to her face I notice she holds it close inhaling deeply of the bard's scent, which lingers so sweetly on the worn material. For a moment I envy her, how I long to smell that sweet scent once more. Watching her clutch the blanket to her cheek I expected her to break down. But instead she gently lays the blanket aside. Retrieving her sword and stone the steady rasping of metal against stone fills the night air. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
The endless thumping of horse hooves is the only sound as we make our way down the dusty road. Two days have passed since the fight at the temple and I still can't believe Gabrielle is gone. Several times I have caught myself looking back expecting to see the little blond rushing to catch up. Each time I find only the empty road we are slowly leaving behind.  
  
I'm glad to finally be away from the temple, but I can't say I'm looking forward to arriving in Poteidaia. Though Saraphen seems anxious about returning home, I know Xena must be dreading this journey. I don't envy her having to tell Gabrielle's family of her death.  
  
The days pass with little conversation between us, strange how the silence itself serves as a painful reminder of the bard's absence. Each silent step seems to drive Xena deeper into herself. She only speaks when necessary and her movements seem more out of habit than thought.  
  
Since the temple she hardly eats and then only after I pester her. As for sleep she hasn't for at least two days. At night when I finally drift off she is sitting, staring into the fire. When I awake after a few restless hours I find her in the same spot still staring.  
  
The first night as we stood by the funeral pyres I expected her to mourn. But as we watched the fires, the only sign of her pain was a single tear which slide effortlessly down her cheek. I know Xena is not one for emotional displays but I expected more of a reaction to her best friend's death. At first her callousness angered me. Looking back on it perhaps what really bothered me was my own lack of emotions that night. Gabrielle's death has left me numb and I'm not sure I'll ever feel anything again.  
  
Several times I've tried to talk with her but she refuses to discuss Gabrielle's death. It's almost as if she's trying to ignore it. Though she refuses to talk her actions speak volumes. At night when she's unpacking Argo, items are thrown to the side without a thought, until she reaches Gabrielle's belongings. With great care each piece is gently removed and lovingly set to the side. Each night the little bard's scroll bag is placed in a safe place to protect its treasured contents. I'm afraid of what Xena might do when her grief finally comes to the surface. Still I know the longer she ignores it the worse it will be. If only I knew how to help her.  
  
I catch myself looking over my shoulder again. At the sight of the empty road I silently curse my foolishness. She's gone, why can't I accept that?  
  
From the corner of my eye I notice Xena stealing a backward glance as well. Though she tries to cover the action this is not the first time I've caught her searching for Gabrielle. As she turns back our eyes meet, though her face is stone cold her eyes cry out to me. Unable to face the grief there I quickly look away. Immediately I regret the action and turn back. But, it is too late, her moment of weakness has passed and she is focused on the road ahead. Why am I such a coward? She needs someone to lean on, yet every time she shows any signs of grieving I turn away.  
  
Behind me Saraphen shifts slightly. I had forgotten she was there and the reminder of her presents irritates me. Her actions over the last few days have been less than helpful. She insists on riding with me or walking, refusing to have anything to do with Xena. The few times she does deal with the warrior she is rude and hateful. It's as though she blames Xena for Gabrielle's death. Though Xena seems to ignore it, it's driving me crazy.  
  
Perhaps if I had been paying closer attention that first night I could have prevented the argument. But as usual I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since that night the tension between the two women has grown worse. I only hope we can reach Poteidaia without them killing each other.  
  
Again I find myself looking back for the bard. Shaking my head wearily. 'Gods, I hate this road.' 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Sitting up camp has become a thoughtless ritual. Usually it follows the same pattern, I gather firewood, while Xena tends to Argo. Saraphen makes a feeble attempt at preparing food, not that any of us will eat it. After dinner we each find things to do, anything so we won't have to talk to one another. Tonight is no different. Saraphen has gone for water. For lack of anything better to do I sit drawing in the dirt with a stick. Across the fire from me Xena sits with sword and stone in hand. The steady rasping of metal against stone is strangely comforting. With all that has happened it is the one familiar thing I can hold on to.  
  
"Stop it!" screams Saraphen as she enters the camp. Apparently she doesn't find Xena's nightly ritual as comforting as I do.  
  
"Just stop it!" Saraphen tightly clasps her hands over her ears. "You're driving me crazy with that noise!"  
  
The rasping has stopped but Xena says nothing.  
  
Saraphen glares down at the warrior. "Every night you sit there making that hideous sound over and over again."  
  
"I need to sharpen my sword." answers Xena calmly. Raising the stone to the blade once more. "Sit down."  
  
It is neither an order nor a command but it's all Saraphen needs.  
  
"No! I won't sit down and I'm tired of your bullying me!"  
  
"I'm trying to keep you alive."  
  
"That is just your excuse for pushing me around! Well not anymore! I'm through taking orders from you! You and your precious sword can go straight to Tarusas!"  
  
I'm amaze at how calmly Xena is taking this browbeating. I wonder how much longer it will last.  
  
Studying the younger woman for a moment the warrior replies calmly. "You'll probably get your wish." turning back to her sword.  
  
"I don't understand you. You went out of your way to give your enemy a proper burial, yet you haven't shed a single tear for a woman who was suppose to be your best friend. Gabrielle gave her life to save you, don't you even care!"  
  
"My grief is my own!" snaps the warrior meeting the accusing brown eyes. With more restraint she adds. "I don't expect you to understand it...or me."  
  
Saraphen shakes her head in disgust. "I'll never understand how Gabrielle could have called such a cold hearted monster her friend."  
  
If Xena answered the insult I never heard it. The roar of blood pounding in my ears drowns out all sound as I leap to my feet reaching for the little fool. Roughly jerking her around I grab her upper arms tightly. "Enough! Sit down, shut up and leave her alone!" I realize I'm violently shaking her with each word.  
  
Brown eyes wide with fear stare back at me. As I release her she carefully pushes past me to her bedroll. Without a word she drops onto the ground pulling the blanket over her head. The covered mass jerks slightly as muffled sobs escape from beneath it.  
  
A heavy sigh escapes me as I realize that was probably not the best way to handle the situation. Knowing I've screwed up once again I turn to Xena for help, she is staring at me. Though her face is solid as stone her eyes are dancing with emotion. Perhaps now is the time for us to talk about the last few days. Swallowing hard I take a step towards her. Carefully she sets aside the sword and stone before gracefully raising to her feet. Holding my gaze for a moment she turns away walking into the forest.  
  
As she disappears into the darkness I start to follow. Now is the time to force her to face her grief. As I reach the edge of the clearing my courage wanes. What can I do to help her? She needs her family now not some wandering idiot she barely tolerates. 'You're her friend.' Argues a voice from the depths of my mind. Some friend, I scoff. 'Xena and I think of you as family.' whispers another voice. When Gabrielle was caring for me after the beating, I could have sworn I heard her say it. But, the memory is hazy and I don't know if it was real or imagined. Staring at the dark forest I know the answer. It had to be a dream. Why would they consider a coward like me a friend much less family? Returning to my bedroll I try to find a comfortable position. Xena had said we would reach Poteidaia tomorrow. Maybe things will be better there. Shifting on the hard ground I know it's going to be a long night. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Dark storm clouds are moving in from the west as Poteidaia comes into sight. Somehow their presence seems appropriate, given the nature of our visit. Studying the cracked and sun bleached walls surrounding the small village, I can't help feeling I've been here before. Gabrielle's stories about her home seemed so real, it's exactly as she described it. We stop just outside the main gate. Glancing to the side I find blue eyes staring back at me. They look almost apologia. Without a word she looks away kicking Argo into motion. My own horse follows. Inside the main square we dismount, leading the horses through the open market place.  
  
"Saraphen?!" calls a woman stopping before us. "Sister, is it really you?"  
  
"Alletta!" cries Saraphen running forward to embrace the older woman.  
  
Xena and I exchange weary glances as we watch the reunion.  
  
"Xena!" squeals a small dark haired figure rushing across the square. The young woman throws herself at the warrior's waist wrapping her in a massive bear hug.  
  
Xena seems as surprised by the greeting as I am.  
  
"Lila." I hear the warrior say as she places a gentle hand on the younger woman's back. I notice her surprise has turned to what could almost be considered affection.  
  
So this is Lila. Gabby had described her to me a hundred times and as usual the bard's description was on the mark.  
  
Pulling away from the warrior the girl smiles up at her. "I knew you and Gab would bring Saraphen home."  
  
Xena's normally stone features break into a sad smile and she appears to be fighting back tears. Lila fails to notice the warrior's reaction, having turned away to gather Saraphen in smothering embrace. A crowd is gathering as friends and family come to welcome home one of their own.  
  
"Lila." cries Saraphen holding the younger woman close.  
  
"Hey, Saraphen ease up a little." chuckles the girl. "You're breaking my ribs." Pulling away to stare into Saraphen's tear stained face. "What's wrong?"  
  
Saraphen takes Lila hands in her own dropping her head she tries to compose herself, it's not working.  
  
"Hey, it can't be that bad." teases the girl hoping to ease the tension.  
  
Saraphen meets her gaze. "It's Gabrielle."  
  
Lila's smile slips away along with the color from her cheeks. "Wh...what about Gab?"  
  
"Lila she's...she's dead."  
  
"No." replies the girl pulling away. "No, I don't believe you."  
  
"I'm sorry." answers Saraphen reaching for her.  
  
"No." frantically Lila turns to the warrior. "Xena tell her, tell her it's a mistake." The absolute despair in her plea is gut wrenching.  
  
"Lila...it's true." compassion softens Xena's features as she offers a hand to the younger woman.  
  
"No!" cries the girl backing away from the warrior. Fire flickers in her eyes as anger replaces despair. "You were supposed to protect her!" The accusation echoes through the square.  
  
"I know." Xena whispers.  
  
Lila drops to her knees as sobs shake her petite body. Xena steps forward to comfort the grieving girl. Perhaps they will be able to comfort each other. She reaches out to Lila only to be pushed aside by Saraphen and several other village women.  
  
Ignoring the rude treatment Xena steps aside allowing the girl's friends to care for her. Anger grips me as I watch the scene. 'What's wrong with these people can't they see Xena's hurting too?'  
  
From across the square a couple rushes to join the crowd. Pushing through the woman kneels beside the sobbing girl. "Lila, what's wrong daughter?"  
  
"She's...gone..."  
  
"Who's gone?"  
  
"Gabrielle..." sobs the girl before clutching to her mother.  
  
Holding the girl close the woman cast a fearful look at the man beside her. Silently he raises and pushes through the crowd to stand before Xena. Though he is nearly a foot shorter than the warrior he glares up at her. "What is going on Xena? Where is my daughter?"  
  
Xena seems to take no offense to his hostile tone. In fact her face softens as she speaks. "The Other Side."  
  
Clearly shaken by the warrior's reply the man staggers back a step. "Wh...what?"  
  
"It's true, Herodotus." answers Saraphen moving to his side.  
  
He stares through the young woman for a moment before turning on Xena. "This is your fault!" he screams pointing an accusing finger at the warrior. "If you had sent her home instead of filling her head with silly tales of hero nonsense this never would have happened!"  
  
"Herodotus...I'm sorry." she whispers.  
  
"You're sorry!" his body trembles with emotion. "You kill my daughter and all you can say is your sorry!" Shaking a calloused fist in the warrior's face. "Do you think you pathetic apologies can ease the pain of a lost child!?"  
  
"no." whispers the warrior.  
  
"Leave! Leave here now and take your apologies with you! You're no longer welcome in Poteidaia, Xena!" Taking a threatening step toward the warrior. "And if you ever come near any of my family again I'll kill you with my bare hands! Now leave!"  
  
"Stop it!" I shriek unable to stand it anymore. If she won't defend herself I will.  
  
"Who are you?!" demands the enraged man.  
  
"Joxer, don't." pleas Xena.  
  
"I'm Joxer." Forcing myself to stand tall. "A friend of Gabrielle's... and Xena's."  
  
He moves toward me, his voice dropping to a deadly tone. "'Friend's' of Xena's aren't welcome here either."  
  
"Husband." The woman grabs his arm forcing him to look at her. "Take Lila home."  
  
Angrily he turns back to Xena but before he can speak his wife places a gentle hand against his cheek forcing him to meet her gaze. "Husband, your daughter needs you."  
  
All the anger drains away causing his shoulders to sag under the weight of her words, with a surrendering nod he moves to the sobbing girl. Offering reassuring words he helps her to her feet. The crowd watches silently as they make their way out of the square.  
  
As they disappear from sight the older woman turns to Xena.  
  
Swallowing back tears Xena begins to speak. "Hecuba, I don't know what to say. I know it doesn't mean much but I am sorry for your loss, if..."  
  
A sharp slap cuts the warrior off in midsentence. Though the older woman's hand struck hard and fast I know Xena could have easily stopped it, had she wanted too. I also know the pain in the warrior's eyes is not from the blow.  
  
"What would you know of my 'loss'? I don't want your apologies 'Warrior Princess'. They won't bring my daughter back."  
  
Xena bows her head without replying.  
  
I can't stand it anymore. "It wasn't Xena's fault. Gabrielle died trying to stop Dahok."  
  
"Is that suppose to ease my families suffering?" asks the older woman glaring at me. "Do you think her dieing some 'heroic' death makes her loss any less painful?"  
  
Unable to face her accusing stare I look to the ground. "No." I finally manage to choke out.  
  
Releasing me from her gaze she turns it on Xena. "Gabrielle believed she could change your violent ways. She believed there was good in you and somehow she could bring it out. I warned her about traveling with you. Death is your only true companion Xena. Your very presence reeks of it. She follows you everywhere, consuming all who come near you. I knew it was only a matter of time till it took my little girl." she turns to leave, but hesitating turns back to the warrior. "I've often wondered how you escaped punishment for your past. Now I realize you haven't, the Gods have cursed you to wander this world alone." She turns once more to me. "Follow her if you wish, but be warned Death is a jealous companion. She will only tolerate your presents for so long." Without wanting for an answer she turns to walk away.  
  
"Wait." calls Xena to the retreating woman.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I have some of Gabrielle's things. I...I thought you might like to have them."  
  
"What type of things?" ask the woman suspiciously.  
  
Xena moves to Argo, reaching for the leather bag Gabrielle carried for so long. "Clothes mostly and some things she gathered over the last few years." Lifting the bag she adds with a heavy sense of regret. "She didn't have much."  
  
Watching calloused fingers gently brush across the worn leather I can only wonder at the memories, which have brought a hint of a smile to the warrior's face.  
  
"A few mementos from her travels" slowly the smile reaches her eyes. "and her scrolls." Reverently Xena offers the bag to the waiting woman.  
  
Hecuba's face becomes stone cold as she stares at the offered bag. Finally she turns the icy gaze on Xena. "Those are memories of her life with you, they hold no meaning for anyone here." Having delivered the crushing blow she turns and stalks away, leaving the warrior standing in the square.  
  
Slowly the villagers drift off whispering among themselves. Xena stands as still as a statue, for once her face reveals the pain she is suffering. Hoping to offer some comfort I reach for her shoulder. "Xena, what she said..."  
  
"Is all true." answers the warrior.  
  
"No! It's not." I argue, disparately searching for the right words. "The Gods were responsible for this, they have no right to blame you."  
  
"It's my fault they lost a daughter, Joxer. They have every right to blame me...and to hate me." Turning toward the horses. "Besides, you can't hurt the Gods and they don't care if you hate them. People need someone of flesh and bone to blame." Stopping she faces me. "If blaming me eases their pain, then so be it." Not waiting for a reply she mounts Argo and slowly rides toward the main gate.  
  
Climbing atop my own horse I take one last look at Poteidaia. All those nights by the campfire listening to Gabrielle talk about her home I always thought my first visit here would be a joyful event. After wishing for so long to see this place, I now wish I'd never heard of it. 'Just another one of the Fate's cruel games.' I scoff before turning my mount to follow Xena. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Stifling a yawn I silently groan at the sight of morning mist still hanging in the dense forest. How can it still be morning? It feels like we been on the road forever. Come to think of it we have, after all it was still dark when Xena demanded we break camp. At the time I was grateful for any excuse to get up. Since Gabrielle's death I've come to fear the night and all the painful memories that come with it. During the day the emptiness is overwhelming, but at night it's unbearable. Maybe I should have followed Gabrielle into the pit at least it would have been a quick death. 'Don't be stupid.' scowls a voice from the back of my mind. 'Xena needs you.' Yeah right, everyone needs a bumbling idiot tagging along while they mourn the loss of a best friend. 'Xena and I think of you as family.' There it is again, maybe Gabby really did say it. What if she did? That doesn't mean Xena feels the same way, does it?  
  
Shrugging off the thought I turn my attention to the woods surrounding us. There is something familiar about them, thought I'm not exactly sure where we are or where we're heading. More then once I've thought of asking Xena but I doubt she'd answer. Her less than gently wake up call is the only time she's spoken all morning. If it weren't for the steady thumping of Argo's hoofs, I'd swear I was alone. Course it doesn't help that we haven't seen anyone else in days. With Xena using abandoned trails and avoiding towns I'm beginning to wonder if there are any other people in the world. At times the silence is unnerving, though you'd think I'd be use to it by now. Since leaving Poteidaia silence has become a way of life for us. Conversations consist of little more than single word answers or a nod of the head. In the last five days I doubt we've spoken a dozen words to each other. Maybe it's just as well truth is I wouldn't know what to say if Xena did want to talk. I haven't figured out how to handle my own grief, what could I possibly say to help her?  
  
Bouncing hard in the saddle as my horse stumbles over a partially hidden root, I bite back a cry of pain. The sudden jolt awakens a growing list of aches and pains, causing my body to scream for a rest. Stealing a quick glance at Xena I know I don't dare ask for one. Sighing to myself I try to remember the last time I've had a good nights sleep and a hot meal. Nothing comes to mind. For nearly, a week now we've been traveling at an almost nonstop pace. More than once I've found myself nodding off in the saddle. Yet, Xena shows no signs of slowing. If it weren't for Argo and me I don't think she would stop at all. Though I hate to admit it, I think the stops are more for Argo's benefit than mine.  
  
The neck breaking pace of the last few days is killing me, not that the nights are any better. It's usually well after dark before we stop to make camp. By then I lack the energy to hunt and Xena refuses too. Most nights it's all I can do to get her to eat small portions of the bread and cheese from our packs. Exhausted from the day's ride we make an attempt at sleep. At least, I do, Xena fights it till the bitter end. Not that I blame her. More than once terror filled screams have awakened me from my own nightmares. Each time I find Xena thrashing on her bedroll suffering in her own private Tartarus.  
  
Rubbing my shoulder I painfully remember the night the dreams began. The scream was still echoing in the forest as I stumbled to her side. Not thinking I had grabbed her by the shoulders trying to wake her a mistake, which nearly got my arm ripped from the socket. Even now I can hear her angry curses as she yelled at me for being such an idiot, that I should have known better than to grab a sleeping warrior. She was right I should have known better. It was just she seemed to be in such agony, I had to do something, even if it was foolish. It's funny, but I think as angry as she was with me, she was more angry with herself for hurting me.  
  
I thought for sure she would send me away after that night. But the next morning she had saddled both horses and was patiently waiting for me. Still I know it's only a matter of time till my presences is no longer welcome and she orders me away. Though even then I'm not sure I could leave. I can't leave her alone with her grief. She needs someone, even if it's only me. At least, that's what I keep telling myself, but maybe the real truth is I'm scared of being alone with my own grief. Sighing heavily I have to wonder how much longer either of us can go on like this.  
  
"Joxer."  
  
I nearly jump from the saddle at the sound of her voice. "Huh?"  
  
"Don't move." she orders, clasping both hands above her head.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
In response to my question half a dozen women descend from the trees, surrounding us with drawn crossbows.  
  
Xena remains perfectly still as one of them approaches.  
  
As the woman draws closer I notice all the crossbows are aimed at Xena. I find no comfort in this fact. Normally, I trust Xena's wisdom but after her last visit I have to question her logic in returning here. Especially with the news she carries.  
  
Raising the mask from her face the Amazon smiles broadly. "Greetings, Xena."  
  
Slowly slipping from the saddle Xena approaches the younger woman. "Hello, Lysandra."  
  
Still smiling the Amazon offers her hand to the warrior. "What brings you to our lands, Warrior Princess?"  
  
"Unfinished business." answers Xena.  
  
"Did you come to break Queen Ephiny's other arm?" quips one of the archers.  
  
Xena meets the woman's accusing glare but says nothing.  
  
"Silence." orders Lysandra with a hard look. The expression softens as she turns back to Xena. "Queen Ephiny will be pleased by your return." Glancing at me the smile slips away as she looks back to Xena. "Where is Queen Gabrielle?"  
  
"That's why I'm here." answers Xena solemnly.  
  
Seeing the warrior is not going to offer any further answers the Amazon signals the others. "Then we will escort you the rest of the way."  
  
Xena nods in agreement, motioning for me to follow.  
  
1.  
  
With the scouts having announced our arrival a crowd is gathered in the center of the village to greet us. Even from a distance there is no mistaking the young Amazon Queen standing before her people. As we draw closer I can see Ephiny is smiling, though there is a sense of apprehension in the gesture. No doubt the scouts have warned her of Gabrielle's absence. As we close the last few feet Ephiny moves to meet us. Her guards seem less than pleased by this action.  
  
"Welcome, Xena." she says offering the warrior an open hand, coupled with a smile. Though the young queen's greeting seems friendly enough I notice the smile does not reach her eyes.  
  
Eying the offered hand Xena hesitates a moment. There is no denying the regret on her face. "Hello Ephiny." She finally replies grasping the younger woman's forearm, in a warrior's greeting.  
  
Releasing the warrior, Ephiny offers me the same welcome. "It's good to see you again, Joxer." I'm shocked by the warmth in the blue eyes staring back at me.  
  
Accepting the offered hand I smile weakly. "Thanks."  
  
"What brings you here?" she asks turning to Xena. "We didn't expect to see you till the Samhain Festival."  
  
Stiffening at the question Xena's jaw sets firmly. I know this is the question she has been dreading. "I bring news of your queen." There is a stone cold firmness to the large woman's face, which I find disturbing. Having seen the pain in her eyes over the last few days I know she is dying inside. Yet to the outside world she appears an indifferent observer.  
  
"What news?" asks the young Amazon clearly dreading the answer.  
  
"Your Queen is dead." with some effort Xena forces herself to continue. "Gabrielle is dead." A slight tremble in her voice as she speaks the Bard's name betrays her pain.  
  
She's finally said it. It's the first time I've heard her utter those horrible words. Somehow I doubt it will be the last.  
  
"no..." gasps Ephiny. I've never seen an Amazon pale before I hope never to have reason to see it again.  
  
A murmur of whispers race among the gathered Amazons as news of their Queen's death spreads.  
  
"How...?" asks the younger woman.  
  
Swallowing hard Xena manages to speak. "She died bravely in battle."  
  
"Against who?" demands Ephiny.  
  
I expected the anger flashing in her eyes, but the accusing tone of question frightens me.  
  
Xena seems lost for an answer, her mouth opens but nothing comes out.  
  
"It was Hope." I blurt out. Feeling all eyes turn to me I rush on. "She and Ares were trying to freed Dahok."  
  
Ephiny stares at me for a moment before turning to Xena.  
  
The warrior nods slightly confirming my story. Then I notice she is holding something, reaching out she offers the small bundle to the Amazon. "Gabrielle wanted you to have this."  
  
With a trembling hand Ephiny accepts the bundle, slowly she unfolds the small cloth. As the object is unveiled her eyes close tightly, forcing back tears. "Her Right of Cast." I hear her whisper.  
  
Taking a deep breath she holds the necklace up for all to see. "Queen Gabrielle's Right of Cast has been passed on." Saluting as one the tribe silently acknowledges her.  
  
Unable to hold back her sorrow any longer the Amazon reaches out to Xena. The warrior makes no effort to resist as the younger woman embraces her tightly. From my place beside Xena I can hear Ephiny's whispered words of sympathy. As the words break through Xena's walled emotions she returns the embrace, silently stroking the curly head resting on her shoulder. Feeling like an intruder I turn my attention to the gathered Amazons. Many stand with their heads bowed, some are obviously crying. I wonder if Gabrielle has any idea of the pain her death has caused?  
  
Wiping away tears Ephiny pulls away from the warrior. "We need to make arrangements for a funeral to honor her. You'll stay won't you?"  
  
Xena hesitates her eyes slowly searching the gathered Amazons. Finally she lowers her head in agreement. There's no mistaking Ephiny's relief at the decision. "Epinon."  
  
A young woman I recognize from my last visit rushes forward. Stopping before Ephiny she bows quickly. "Yes, my Queen?"  
  
"Prepare a hut for Xena and see to it her horse is cared for." Turning to me. "Will you be staying, Joxer?"  
  
"Yes, he will."  
  
Ephiny and I cast questioning glances in Xena's direction. But she says nothing more.  
  
"Alright," agrees Ephiny turning back to waiting woman. "do the same for Joxer."  
  
Another quick bow and the woman disappears into the crowd.  
  
I'm not sure what I'm more surprised about Xena insisting I stay or the Amazons allow me too.  
  
Taking Xena by the arm Ephiny begins to lead her away. "Come, we'll go to my hut and talk."  
  
'Talk, yes. Maybe Ephiny can finally get her to talk.' They've gone only a few steps when a voice calls out from the crowd, freezing Ephiny in midstep, and shattering my hopes of Xena finding comfort from her grief.  
  
"She has broken her promise!"  
  
Defiantly Ephiny turns to face the accusation. "She is a friend among the Amazons."  
  
"She attacked our village and our Queen!" cries another faceless voice.  
  
"Our Queen forgave her, the matter is settled!" calls a supporter of the warrior.  
  
"Xena is one of us, she should be welcomed here!" yells someone near the back.  
  
For several moments heated words fly through the crowd.  
  
Finally a battle scarred woman steps forth, she appears to be many seasons older than Ephiny. The others fall into silence at her presence. "Xena knew what would happen if she returned here with word of Queen Gabrielle's death. She made a warrior's promise to the Nation. Therefore, she should be punished as a warrior."  
  
'Punished?' My stomach begins to knot as others in the crowd nod in agreement. "You can't punish her!" I hadn't meant to scream but things are getting out of hand. They have to understand it wasn't her fault. "Gabrielle died protecting Xena, she won't want you hurting her friend."  
  
"He is right." agrees a voice from the crowd. "Our Queen called this woman sister, how can we cause her harm?"  
  
"Are we going to allow outsiders to violate our laws and go unpunished?" demands another.  
  
Other voices cry out some in support of Xena some against her. Just when I'm certain a riot is going to erupt Ephiny takes control.  
  
"Enough!" all protest die away at her command. "It's true a promise was made..." slowly turning to Xena. "and broken." Not waiting for a reply she turns to me. "She knew what would happen if she returned." Meeting Xena's gaze. "Didn't you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ephiny's voice takes on a commanding tone as she holds Xena gaze. "When you attacked our Queen in anger it was she who forgave you and begged that you not be deal with in accordance with Amazon law." Stepping back her voice raises to address the crowd. "In exchange for a pardon from your crimes you agreed to never again take up arms against the Amazon Nation or Queen Gabrielle. You swore to protect Queen Gabrielle at all cost." Turning once more to Xena. "Did you not give your word you would fight to the death before allowing her to be harmed?"  
  
"I did." her voice seems so distant.  
  
Shocked by the reply I grab Xena's arm forcing her to look at me. "Did Gabrielle know you made that promise?" Seeing the anger in her eyes, I quickly release her and step back.  
  
"No." she finally answers.  
  
Ephiny seems as surprised by the answer as I am. Taking a deep breath she addresses the crowd once more. "Xena has broken her word to the Amazon Nation." swallowing hard she forces herself to continue. "What is to be her punishment?"  
  
'No! This can't be happening." I look to Xena hoping she will give me some sign as to what to do. But, she simply ignores me.  
  
Uncertain glances pass through the crowd as if no one wants to be the first to speak. Perhaps if no one offers a suggestion they will let her go. As the seconds slip away I start to believe it might happen. Once more the older warrior steps forward, shattering my hopes for a peaceful retreat.  
  
"The Circle." she says simply.  
  
A hushed silence hangs in the air. From the corner of my eye I watch Xena for some reaction, there is none.  
  
Ephiny slowly searches the crowd with her eyes. "Are there any who disagree with the charges or the punishment?" I think she is hoping they will change their minds. Seeing no truce will be offered she sighs in disgust. "So be it." As she turns to face Xena there is a weariness in her features which wasn't there moments before. "Amazon law requires you be punished. For crimes against the Amazon Nation and for actions, which lead to the death of Queen Gabrielle you will be sentenced to the Circle. Do you understand what will happen?"  
  
"Yes." answers Xena without looking at her.  
  
"Do you have anything to said for yourself?"  
  
"No."  
  
Anger flashes across the Amazon's face. She seems ready to challenge Xena, but instead turns away fighting to remain in control. I'm beginning to think being a ruler is a job I could live without.  
  
Unable to face the waiting warrior, Ephiny motions toward the crowd. At her command several armed guards approach Xena and begin removing her weapons. She makes no effort to resist. Ephiny moves in close, forcing the larger woman to met her gaze. "You should not have come back." It is more of a plea than a threat.  
  
Even from where I stand I can see the regret in the Amazon's eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry." she whispers.  
  
"It's not your fault." answers Xena with a sad smile. "It's mine."  
  
"Wait!" I cry taking a step forward. "You can't." From out of nowhere armed warriors surround me.  
  
"Joxer, no!" I hear Xena order.  
  
Frantic for a way out I look pass the sentries to find sky blue eyes staring back at me.  
  
"Do not interfere." she warns, then in a softer tone. "It will be alright."  
  
The ache in my heart tells me it won't be, but unable to stop this madness I surrender to her wishes.  
  
Ephiny steps back with a nod to the guards. At her command they escort Xena from the square.  
  
Watching the warrior disappear into the village I fight the urge to run after her. She said it would be alright, I have to believe it will be. But, that doesn't mean I can't help things along. Closing the distance between Ephiny and myself I know what I have to do. Surely she knows the pain Xena is suffering. Together we can stop this, all I have to do is explain to her what happened. She'll set Xena free, I know she will. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Holding up a hand to shield my eyes from the midday sun, I watch as the guards led Xena back to the main square of the village. Though stripped of her breastplate and greaves, I'm relieved to see Xena is still wearing her leather and gauntlets. Hopefully they will provide some protection from this 'Circle', whatever it is. As she draws closer I'm tempted to beg Ephiny once more to stop this madness. But as I steal a glance at the young Amazon Queen she meets my gaze and I know another attempt would be useless. While she does not want this anymore than I do, she is Queen and must uphold the laws of her people even the ones, which hurt her friends.  
  
Leaning to the side, I whisper to Solari. "So how exactly does this 'circle' thing work?"  
  
"The Circle is designed to wear down the accused." she replies without looking at me. "The accused is placed in a circle of twenty unarmed warriors. The punishment begins when a small glass of sand is turned upside down. Once it begins each Amazon will attack individually, the moment one attacker is knocked to the ground another will attack. The fallen attacker will return to the outer circle and wait for another chance to attack. If an attacker is unable to continue they will be replaced by a fresh fighter from outside the circle."  
  
"How long does this last?"  
  
"The sand will flow for one candle mark."  
  
"That doesn't sound to bad." feeling the knot in my stomach start to loosen. "So if she can stay on her feet till the sand runs out, she gets to leave right?"  
  
"Wrong. When the sand stops if the accused is..."  
  
"Would you stop calling her the 'accused'? She has a name you know?"  
  
"Very well," rolling her eyes at the request. "when the sand stops if 'Xena' is still standing the glass will be turned again. Only this time the attackers will be armed with a weapon of their choice. During this round if an attacker is disabled they are not replaced. The accus...Xena must fight until the sand has stopped or until all of the attackers have been defeated. If she can do this than she will be allow to go free."  
  
"What happens if Xena is unable to continue?"  
  
Finally she turns to face me. "She dies."  
  
Swallowing hard I try to force down the fear threatening to choke me.  
  
As Xena approaches the circle the waiting Amazons part allowing her to enter, passing into the circle they quickly close ranks behind her. Stopping near the center, she waits patiently for the 'punishment' to begin. Her calmness in the face of danger never creases to amaze me.  
  
Studying the Amazons surrounding her, I feel despair taking its place along side fear. Normally, something like this would be a piece of cake for Xena. But, she has barely eaten or slept for nearly a week and I don't even know if all of her wounds have healed. The Amazons on the other hand are well rested and healthy. Many have voiced their support for the warrior, but judging from the way some of them are glaring at her, I know this won't be easy.  
  
Ephiny raises her hands to silence the crowd. "Xena, are you ready to accept your punishment?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Eying the warrior, Ephiny hesitates. "Very well," reaching for the sand glass, she holds it high for all to see. With a quick flip of the wrist she turns it. "Begin."  
  
The words have barely left the Amazon's mouth when an ear shattering war cry breaks the silence. Xena spins to meet the oncoming warrior. As the Amazon strikes, Xena quickly side steps. As she moves one hand shoots out deflecting the Amazon's fist as the other connects solidly with the woman's chin. The force of Xena's strike and the Amazon's own forward momentum work to lift the woman off her feet and slam her painfully to the ground. Xena barely has time to acknowledge her attacker is unconscious before another is upon her.  
  
Aside from the sounds of the fighters within the circle there is an eerie silence in the air. The Amazons seem as disturbed by the bloodshed as I am. It's not what I expected from a warrior tribe.  
  
One after the other the Amazons charge the warrior. Most fall without touching her, but as fatigue sets in, the attacker's strikes begin to find their target. All I can do is watch and wait as the blows slowly sap the warrior's strength.  
  
Another Amazon attacks and I cringe as a fist solidly connects with Xena's jaw. Spinning away from the blow she counters with a thrusting kick, which sends her opponent airborne. Stealing a quick glance at the sand glass I'm relieved to see it's nearly empty. Just a little longer and Xena is home free. 'At least until round two.' I sigh.  
  
Having downed another attacker Xena turns to meet the next, only this time her movements are too slow. A well placed heel slams solidly into unguarded ribs. The blow draws the warrior double as she fights to breath. Knowing her opponent is hurt the Amazon shows no mercy. Savagely driving an elbow into the warrior's back, she smirks as the blow forces Xena to her hands and knees. Not allowing the warrior a chance to recover the Amazon's boot lashes out. The blow lifts Xena from the ground, while the next sends the warrior rolling to the edge of the small circle. Stalking toward the downed warrior the Amazon prepares to deliver another kick. As the leg approaches Xena's arm whips out locking around the offered limb. Before the woman can react Xena slams the heel of her free hand into the side of the Amazon's supporting knee with a resounding crack, which echoes through out the square. I can't help but smile as the Amazon howls in pain. Using the woman's leg for support Xena rises to her feet driving a fist squarely into the Amazon's nose. Blood spatters from the shattered cartilage as the woman staggers. Another blow to the face and the Amazon collapses in a heap at the warrior's feet. Spinning in a tight circle Xena searches for the next attacker.  
  
"HALT!!!" bellows Ephiny.  
  
The command stops a changing warrior in her tracks, less than two strides from Xena's reach. Snapping to attention before the warrior, I recognize her as the leader of the scouting party that met us at the border. Then the Amazon does something I never expected. She bows. Too my surprise Xena returns the gesture. A hint of a smile crosses the Amazon's face before she turns to sprint back to the outer circle.  
  
All eyes turn to Ephiny who is holding up the now empty sand glass. "The first round is complete." she announces. "Those who have been chosen will arm yourselves for the final one."  
  
There is a fury of motion as armed Amazons move to replace some of those already in the circle, while others rush off in search of their weapon of choice.  
  
Between the moving women I catch belief glimpses of Xena. I'm relieved to see she is still on her feet though I have to wonder for how long. Hunched forward with hands resting on her knees she appears to be gulping air. If only there was something I could do to help her. Leaning back against the dais my elbow bumps something. Glancing back to curse the object, I realize my luck maybe changing.  
  
Grabbing a ladle of water from the bucket I run toward Xena. Only to slide to a halt as I barely miss being impaled on the sword leveled at my chest. Meeting the gaze of the Amazon holding the weapon, I smile lamely as she growls at me.  
  
"Let him pass."  
  
The Amazon seems as surprised by the command as I am as we turn to face Ephiny.  
  
"You haven't much time, Joxer." warns Ephiny.  
  
With a quick nod I turn to find the warrior still blocking my path, reluctantly she steps aside.  
  
Not waiting for her to change her mind I run to Xena offering the only help I can. "Here drink this."  
  
Straightening she accepts the ladle with both hands. Quickly draining it's precious contents she shoves it back into my hand. "Thanks..." she breaths heavily.  
  
Now that I'm closer I can see the bruises covering her face. A nasty one under her left eye is already swollen and turning black. Leaning close I whisper my concern. "Xena are you alright?"  
  
She nods without meeting my gaze.  
  
"Maybe I can..."  
  
"Joxer!"  
  
I turn once more to face Ephiny.  
  
"You must leave the circle now. It's time to begin."  
  
Desperately I search for any excuse to delay this madness.  
  
"Go on." orders Xena. Standing to her full height, she appears as strong as ever. "I'll be alright."  
  
Against my better judgment I return to the spot near Solari.  
  
Once more Ephiny raises the glass high enough for all to see. Her eyes meet Xena's briefly and I can see the sorrow in them, then she turns the glass. "Begin."  
  
Though I would not have thought it possible this round is more intense than the last. Where before Xena had held back trying not to maim her opponents this time no quarter is given.  
  
Time seems to crawl by as the warrior downs one attacker after the next. Fatigue once more takes its toll as small cuts and bruises begin to appear on her arms and leg. While Xena shows no signs of stopping I have to wonder how much longer she can keep this pace.  
  
Barely avoiding a series of sword swings meant to behead her, Xena lashes out with a kick to her attacker's chest. All watching cringe at the sound of breaking bone as the woman's sternum cracks. Clutching her chest the Amazon drops to the ground unable to continue.  
  
Pulling my gaze away from the injured woman I'm relieved to see only three attackers remain standing. One is the old warrior who decided what Xena's punishment was to be. Across what's left of the circle from her is a young girl.  
  
"Isn't she kind of young for this?" motioning toward the girl as I lean close to Solari.  
  
"She is seventeen summers old." answers the woman. "It is time to decide her place within the tribe."  
  
"Okay." I answer, though I haven't a clue what she means.  
  
Shrugging off the conversation I turn my attention back to the circle. Only to find Xena in a stand off with the third remaining Amazon. Lunging the Amazon attacks, Xena twist to avoid the sword strike only too late realizing it's a feint. Whipping the blade in a back handed motion it leaves a long bloody gash along Xena's left shoulder, forcing the warrior back. Reversing the swing once more the Amazon drives the butt of the sword handle into Xena's face. A sharp kick to the chest, followed by another to the head, drops the warrior to her knees.  
  
My heart skips a beat as I watch the Amazon grasp the sword with both hands, raising it high for a deathblow. As the blade starts its downward arc Xena throws herself at the Amazon's waist knocking them both to the ground. What had been a fight of strategy is now little more then a shuffle in the dirt as they struggle for the high ground. Finally Xena knocks the Amazon away. Trying to climb to her feet the warrior's victory is short lived as the Amazon tackles her from behind. Grabbing a handful of raven hair the Amazon pulls Xena to her knees. With her free hand the Amazon draws a dagger and plunges it toward Xena's exposed throat.  
  
"No..." I cry taking a step forward only to be pulled back by Solari. Helplessly I watch the blade plunge toward soft flesh. Suddenly Xena's arm shoots up deflecting the blade with her gauntlet. Though the thrust has been stopped it takes both of Xena's hands to keep the dagger from her throat. Watching the women struggle I notice an uneasiness among Solari and the other Amazon's. They seem angered by something.  
  
"What's wrong?" I ask.  
  
"Noleta has violated the laws of the Circle."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"She is only allowed to bring one weapon into the circle."  
  
"You mean she's cheating?"  
  
She frowns at me. "You could say that."  
  
"So what do we do?"  
  
"Nothing at the moment. She will be dealt with when the sands have run out."  
  
"By then it might be too late."  
  
"It is our way." definitely answers the woman as she turns away.  
  
No matter how this ends there is one thing I'm sure of, I don't really like the Amazon way.  
  
Time seems to stand still as Xena and the Amazon struggle. As the dagger slowly creeps toward the warrior's throat I notice the Amazon leaning close to whisper something in Xena's ear. From this distance I can't hear what is being said, but from the woman's sneer I'm sure it's not words of encouragement. Suddenly Xena screams in rage, her fist snaps back into the Amazon's face. Stunned the woman staggers back, releasing her hold on the warrior. Still holding the woman's wrist Xena rises in a quick spinning motion, without breaking stride she buries the dagger deep in the Amazon's unprotected side. Stunned by this turn of events the Amazon reaches for the dagger handle with a look of disbelief.  
  
Not allowing her opponent any quarter Xena's punches her squarely in the face, knocking the woman to the ground. Rolling to her hands and knees the Amazon tugs at the dagger handle as Xena moves in for another strike. Just as Xena grabs the woman by the hair the Amazon pulls the weapon free from her flesh. As Xena pulls the woman to her feet the Amazon's arm swings out driving the dagger into Xena's thigh, then quickly pulls the weapon clear. Xena's cry of pain sends a shiver down my spine as I watch her clutch at the wound.  
  
Slowly the Amazon tries to stand only to be knocked back to her knees by a fist to the face. Driven by rage the warrior once more grabs the Amazon by the top of the head. Holding the woman's head in place with one hand, Xena pounds her fist into the Amazon's face till it is a bloody mess.  
  
Releasing the now unconscious Amazon, Xena barely notices as the woman falls to the ground. Satisfying her rage has cost Xena dearly as she collapses to the ground.  
  
From across the circle the older warrior charges.  
  
"Xena look out!" I cry, pulling against Solari's grip.  
  
Rolling onto her back the warrior barely misses being impaled as the spear strikes the ground where she'd been a moment before. Grabbing the spear shaft she drives the blunt end of the weapon into its owner's face. Staggered by the blow the older woman backs off. Xena slowly crawls to her feet, swaying unsteadily.  
  
For several moments the warriors play a deadly game of cat and mouse, slowly circling and studying each other. Finally the Amazon attacks. Waiting till the last possible moment Xena shifts allowing the blade of the weapon to pass dangerously close. As the woman comes into range Xena seizes the shaft of the weapon, while her leg thrusts out with a powerful kick. Catching the blunt of the kick squarely in the chest, the force of it sends the older warrior sprawling. Crashing heavily to the ground the woman makes no attempt to rise. Having passed the point of exhaustion Xena staggers several steps before falling face first into the dirt.  
  
I watch helplessly as Xena's whole body shakes with each labored breath it appears she lacks the strength to even crawl. Fear makes my blood run cold as I realize her unceremonious collapse has landed her at the feet of the final attacker. Above Xena stands the girl, she stares down at the fallen warrior uncertain of what to do.  
  
"Attack!" orders a faceless voice.  
  
Trembling the girl slowly raises the sword preparing to drive the weapon into Xena's exposed back.  
  
I steal a quick glance at the sand glass the final gains are quickly slipping away. Pulling free of Solari's grip I charge toward the girl.  
  
Ephiny has noticed the sands as well. "WAIT!" she cries as the last grains fall.  
  
Perhaps it is the fear of making her first kill, or maybe worse the fear of being thought a coward. Whatever it is the girl does not heed Ephiny's command.  
  
With her eyes closed she thrust the sword downward.  
  
"NOOO!!!" Ephiny's scream echoes through the square as I throw myself at the girl.  
  
Out weighted and off guard she is easily knocked to the ground. Climbing off the stunned girl I move to Xena.  
  
Kneeling beside the still warrior I nearly cry out in relief at the realization the blade never reached its mark. Though my joy is short lived by the sight of a small steam of blood trailing from beneath the fallen warrior. "Xena?" My throat begins to tighten when she does not respond. "Xena, can you hear me?" I ask gently touching her arm.  
  
A low groan is the only reply but it's enough to relieve my worries as I fight the urge to scoop her up in a bear hug.  
  
"Joxer...?" she moans trying to rise.  
  
"Take it easy. Let me help you up."  
  
Allowing me to slip her arm around my shoulders I slowly lift her to her feet. Her willingness to lean on me frightens me almost as much as the blood flowing from her wounds. "I'll take you to the healer." I promise, though I haven't any idea where to find one. Behind us erupts a scream of rage twisting to face the sound I'm shocked to see Noleta on her feet armed with a spear. What's more surprising is the sight of her charging headlong at us, too late I realize the spear which a moment before was aimed at Xena's back is now heading for me.  
  
Trying to retreat from the blade I stumble. As I begin to fall the spear strikes my breastplate. The force of the blow knocks me backwards but not before I feel the blade penetrate my armor.  
  
Landing on my back I gasp as the wind is knocked from my lungs. I try to rise but there is an unyielding pressure on my chest. Raising my head I'm surprised to find the pressure on my chest is the Amazon's foot. My heart skips a beat as I realize she is using it to hold me in place so she can finish me off. As I watch her raise the weapon for the deathblow I feel a strange sense of relief. At least now I'll be free from the emptiness. Closing my eyes I wait for the pain to end.  
  
Suddenly the weight is gone from my chest. Opening one eye I realize the Amazon is gone as well, beside me there is movement. Xena is atop the Amazon trying to press the shaft of the spear against the woman's throat. They struggle but Xena is too weak to hold the high ground. With a shift of her weight the Amazon throws the warrior off and quickly slams the hard wood into the side of Xena's head. The warrior crumbles to the ground without a word.  
  
"no..." I try to move but my chest feels like it is on fire. Helplessly I watch as the Amazon slowly climbs to her feet using the spear for support.  
  
Xena begins to stir as the Amazon moves toward her.  
  
Swaying slightly she hovers over the fallen warrior. "When you get to Hades tell your 'friend' a true Amazon sent you."  
  
'No!' screams a voice inside me. Desperately I claw at the ground trying to raise. 'No, I can't lose her too. Not now.'  
  
As the Amazon pulls the spear back to strike Ephiny grabs her wrist staying it.  
  
"Enough." orders the young Queen.  
  
"She must be punished!" growls the Amazon trying to pull away.  
  
Ephiny tightens her grip. "It's over, Noleta. She has served her punishment."  
  
Jerking her arm free the Amazon staggers back several steps. "It's not over till the traitor is dead!"  
  
"It's over when I say its over." warns Ephiny in a deadly tone. Eying the bloody trail flowing down the woman's side and leg, Ephiny's tone softens. "You're hurt. Let me help you."  
  
"Stay away from me." growls the woman, leveling the spear at Ephiny's chest.  
  
From the corner of my eye I can see Xena raising to her hands and knees, slowly she rocks back into a kneeling position.  
  
Noleta turns to the others for support. "What say you my sisters! This woman attacked our village and nearly killed us are we to let her go free? No! The only way she can pay for her crimes is with her blood!"  
  
"Take a good look at her, Noleta." orders Ephiny motioning toward Xena. "She had paid with her blood."  
  
"Hum," grunts the Amazon. "You would allow this woman to go free even through that 'man' interfered with the punishment. They both must die!"  
  
"The sands had run out before Joxer entered the circle. It was over."  
  
"Your compassion for these outsiders makes you weak, Ephiny." sneers the woman, shaking her head in disgust she turns to a group standing near the dais. "Sisters of the council, what say you of this matter? Was the punishment served before the man interfered?"  
  
Several hushed whispers pass between the women, finally one steps forward. "It is the decision of the council that punishment was served before the man interfered. Xena is free to go."  
  
Even from where I lay I can hear Ephiny's sigh of relief.  
  
"No!" screams Noleta. "Sisters, we must destroy this woman, first she helped place an outsider on our throne, than a weakling! Were it not for her the Amazon's would have a strong ruler," sneering at Ephiny. "not this 'centaur lover'."  
  
"Stand down." orders Ephiny through clenched teeth.  
  
"Or what?" challenges the woman. Taking a defensive stance she levels the weapon at Ephiny once more. "What are you going to do, Ephiny?"  
  
"Don't do this Noleta."  
  
"Valaska was right, Gabrielle had no right to rule the Amazons." hisses the woman. "And neither do you." Growling she lunges.  
  
Drawing her sword Ephiny easily blocks the attack pushing the woman away. "Noleta your actions dishonor the tribe, stand down before I'm forced to exile you."  
  
"Go to Tarasus!" once more the woman charges.  
  
Easily blocking a quick series of thrusts, Ephiny drives the spear blade down while striking Noleta under the chin with an elbow. Staggered by the blow Noleta retreats to a safe distance. Taking a defensive stand Ephiny faces the renegade. "Don't make me kill you."  
  
"As if you could." laughs the woman sarcastically. With a fearless battle cry the Amazon attacks again.  
  
Parrying the strike Ephiny counters by drawing the blade across the woman's exposed midsection. A long trail of blood marks the sword's path.  
  
Clutching the wound tightly Noleta stares in amazement at the blood running between her fingers. Looking from the wound to Ephiny then back again, an evil smile slowly crosses her face. "At least I won't die alone." Spinning towards Xena she whips the spear over her head.  
  
"No!!!" screams Ephiny thrusting the sword into the woman's gut with such force the bloody tip explodes from her back. Time seems to stand still as the women remain frozen in this ghoulish position. Finally Noleta's spear slips from lifeless fingers, landing on the ground with a dull thud. Pulling the sword free Ephiny silently watches the dead woman fall.  
  
Raising her head the young Queen studies the crowd definitely. "Are there any others who question my right to lead?"  
  
No one accepts the challenge.  
  
Satisfied Xena is safe I lay back reaching for the burning place on my chest. Something warm and sticky covers my hand, pulling it away I find it thickly covered in dark red blood. 'My blood.' Panic tightens my throat muscles trapping a scream there. 'Oh Gods, I'm dying.' Closing my eyes I try to recall some childhood prayer, which might save me from Tartarus.  
  
"Joxer!" Strong hands are fanatically pulling at my armor. Forcing my eyes open I find Xena's battered face hovering over me. Throwing the armor aside, she rips my shirt open and I flinch as her palm presses hard against the wound.  
  
"It's alright, Joxer. You're going to be alright."  
  
I'm not sure if she's trying to convince me or herself. Though the promise sounds sincere I can see the strain in her smile. Are those tears in her eyes? She can't be crying, not for me. I try to raise my head but the world begins to spin. As I slip into unconsciousness I hear her calling my name. Though she pleads for me to stay awake, I haven't the strength to fight the darkness. Finally her voice fades into the shadows. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Birds lively songs fill the air with notes as sweet as the scents from the freshly blooming daisies. Slowly I become aware of the rich, green grass beneath me. Rising to my elbows I study the meadow, it's beautiful but I've never been here before. How did I get here, the last thing I remember is being in the Amazon village, watching Xena fight for her life in that cursit Circle. Then Noleta attacked me and...quickly I reach for the wound on my chest. It's gone, how can that be? Jumping to my feet I check for other wounds, there are none. That's impossible wounds don't just disappear, unless...unless I'm dead. Swallowing hard I eye the meadow once more. Could this be the Elysian Fields?  
  
Across the meadow movement catches my eye. My heart skips a beat as I recognize the young woman making her way through the knee deep grass. Silently I watch her, frightened the slightest sound might make her disappear. I can't help smiling as the petite blond playfully chases a butterfly through the flowers. Enjoying the moment her carefree laughter drifts across the meadow, even the birds can't make a sound that sweet. Caught up in the joy of the moment I laugh aloud. Startled by the sound emerald green eyes turn to met mine, and she smiles. It's the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. She moves toward me. Smiling back I reach to take the hand she offers. As our hands touch my fingers pass through her's. "Gabrielle?" I whisper as the smiling image begins to fade. "Don't go." lunging forward I grasp only air where the apparition had been only moments before.  
  
With her gone the meadow begins to dissolve as well. Once more darkness claims me. This isn't the Elyasian Fields it's Taruarus. I scream in rage but the darkness swallows the sound. Just when I'm certain madness will take me, a glimmer of light slips through. Somehow I know if I can reach the light I'll wake up from this nightmare. This is just a bad dream. All I have to do is reach the light and things will be right again. Gabby will be waiting for me there and we can laugh about this foolishness. Slowly opening one eye the light blinds me. With some effort I force open both eyes. My heart sinks as I realize the light is evening sunlight, passing through the windows of the hut Ephiny arranged for me. It was all a dream. 'When will this nightmare end?' I wonder as tears slip down my cheeks. Angrily I wipe them away. Trying to raise to my elbows a sharp pain steals my breath away.  
  
Groaning I run a hand over the bandage covering my chest. "Guess this means I'm not dead."  
  
"Not yet." answers a voice from the corner.  
  
Startled I turn to find Xena sitting in a chair near the bed. Bruises mark her face and a bandage covers her left shoulder. Yet, she seems alert and ready. I notice with some relief she is wearing her armor and weapons.  
  
"Xena, how...what...are you alright?"  
  
"I'll live." she shrugs. "How do you feel?"  
  
"My chest is sore." rubbing a hand over the bandage. "But the burning is gone."  
  
"You were lucky." she says calmly, rising from the chair  
  
As she starts across the room I notice another bandage tightly wrapped around her thigh. My heart aches as I watch her limp toward a nearby table. How many more times are the Gods going to punish her for her past?  
  
"Your armor deflected the spear enough so it sliced across your ribs instead of penetrating." Lifting my breastplate from the table she shakes her head in disbelief. "Who would have thought this stuff would actually work." I hear her mumble. Retrieving my armor, shirt and sword she returns to sit on the bed. "Sit up." she orders.  
  
With her help and some effort I manage to rise. She helps me slip on the shirt, it has been washed and there is a patch over the hole caused by the spear. As Xena helps me strap on the armor I have to ask the question.  
  
"What did Noleta say to you before you stabbed her?" From the set of her jaw I don't expect an answer.  
  
"She said she was sorry Gabrielle was dead. That she had wanted the privilege of killing her."  
  
"Oh." I can think of nothing else to say. So I decide to change the subject. "What's the rush?"  
  
"It's almost time." she answers  
  
"Time for what?"  
  
"Time to say goodbye."  
  
My mouth suddenly feels dry. It's finally happened she going to send me away.  
  
Standing she offers me a hand. "Come on, the others are waiting."  
  
Uncertain of what's happening I accept the hand and allow myself to be pulled off the bed. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Though nightfall is slowly creeping over the land there is still enough light to allow me a clear view of the square from atop the dais. Drums begin a mournful beat as two Amazons in full ceremonial dress appear carrying a litter. Even in the dim light I can make out the brightly colored feathers of the bird shaped mask lying on the litter. With great reverent the carriers make their way to the dais where we wait. As they pass the rows of waiting Amazons the warriors snap to attention, drawing their swords. Just as the carriers stop before the dais Xena draws her weapon and takes a step forward. Looking back at me she nods slightly. Hoping I understand her meaning I step forward drawing my sword as well. Ephiny nods approvingly before stepping down from the dais to meet the carriers. As she reaches the last step the drums stop. Xena and I follow her down, stopping near the foot of the steps.  
  
Carefully Ephiny picks up the mask, gently caressing it a softness eases the set of her jaw. Then stony resolve wipes away all emotion. Holding the mask high her voice booms in the quietness. "Goddess Artemis hear me! Our Queen has passed from this world into the next! Guide her so she might be with her sisters once more!"  
  
As one the Amazon's raise their swords in salute to the prayer. At the sametime they call out a strange cry which reminds me of Xena's battle cry. To my surprise Xena's voice joins the others as she raises her sword in salute. Knowing I cannot imitate the cry I simply raise my weapon. The chant ends as quickly as it began. As Ephiny lowers the mask the sound of hundreds of swords being sheathed adds an eeriness to the ceremony.  
  
Lowering the mask to the litter I hear Ephiny whisper a more private promise for a lost friend. "Till we meet again, my sister." A sad smile graces her face as her fingertips stroke the mask one last time. Stepping back she signals the carriers to continue.  
  
They approach a large funeral pyre and gentle settle their burden atop it.  
  
Ephiny turns to Xena. "You were her family, it is your right to do this."  
  
Xena looks from the pyre to Ephiny and back. For just a moment I think she might refuse. Steeling herself she steps forward, turning to face the funeral pyre. Slowly her arm rises up to her chest, hovering there for a moment. Then she sweeps it out. At her command the archers fire, their aim is true.  
  
Watching the flames consume the litter I know the Amazon's are paying Gabrielle their highest honor. How I'd love to hear the bard's thoughts on all this.  
  
1.  
  
With the funeral over a feast has been prepared. The Amazon's mourn their lose but they also believe in celebrating the life that was. As the other's start toward the feast I hang back. Several have cast questioning looks in my direction. I have the feeling I'm not suppose to be here. Sensing the discomfort of myself and several of her subjects Ephiny questions them. "Is something wrong?"  
  
At first none answer, not wishing to upset their Queen. Finally, the girl from the circle steps forward. "My Queen, we have never allowed a man to join in the mourning feast."  
  
"Well, there's a first time for everything." answers Ephiny coyly.  
  
From the rear of the group an older woman steps forward. "He is not an Amazon."  
  
"Neither am I." answers Xena. It's the first time she's spoken since the funeral began.  
  
"You are a sister among us, Xena." replies the older woman, offering the warrior a sad smile. "Our Queen called you family."  
  
"And she called Joxer, friend." answers Xena. "does that make his grief any less painful?"  
  
Taken back by the warrior's words the older woman stands silently as mummers pass through the crowd. Looking to her follow Amazons the woman seems to reach a decision. "No." she says. Moving toward me she takes my hand in hers. "Come my friend, join us." Not waiting for a reply she leads me to a table covered in food. Piles of furs provide comfortable sitting along both sides of the huge table.  
  
I hesitate uncertain if this is right, then strong fingers wrap lightly around my hand. Startled by the touch I look down to find Xena sitting next to me. "Sit." she softly orders, gently pulling me down to the empty spot next to her. Releasing my hand she turns away to speak quietly with Ephiny.  
  
As the night wears on I watch dancers perform ritual dances unlike any I have ever seen before. Solari tells me the dances have been passed down from generation to generation and I'm certain no other man has ever been allowed to witness them. Though I've eaten more this night than I have in nearly a week, my plate and goblet are constantly being filled. The Amazon's are taking great pride in telling tales of their Queen and her adventures among the Amazons. I notice only Xena and Ephiny have reframed from sharing tales of the bard. At least Ephiny has gotten Xena to eat. Maybe Ephiny is the right one to help Xena through this. Watching the Amazons I'm surprised by the emotions welling up inside me. Though these women are strangers it's comforting to share memories with some many who cared for Gabrielle. For the first time since her death I actually feel something besides emptiness. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
Morning sunlight works it's way into the hut bringing with it a crushing sense of loneliness. The emptiness has returned and somehow seems stronger than before. It's hard to believe I was actually feeling good last night. I should have known it wouldn't last. Pacing the length of the small hut my mind stumbles through the memories of the night's events. Everything was so different last night, I felt so alive. If only I could go back there. That's it I'll go to the square there must be something there that will bring those feelings back. Bolting out the door I have to force myself not to run the entire way.  
  
Entering the village I'm disappointed to find all signs of the evening's ceremonies have been cleared away. Even the ashes from the funeral pyre are gone. Did last night really happen? Desperately searching for something to ease my fears I turn to find Ephiny stalking across the square. Judging from the Amazon's determined strides it would seem I'm not the only one having a bad day. Though as she draws closer I have the sinking feeling my mine is about to get worse.  
  
"You have to stop her." she demands.  
  
"Stop who?" I ask.  
  
"Xena, she wants to leave."  
  
"Leave?! When?"  
  
"She's saddling Argo right now."  
  
-------------------  
  
Racing to the stables I wonder if madness has finally claimed the warrior. How can she think of traveling in her condition? This the safest place for her to rest and heal. Besides Ephiny is here I know she can help Xena through her grief. Reaching for the stable door it swings open, nearly knocking me to the ground. I bite back a curse as Xena steps out leading Argo. Too my surprise she's leading my horse as well.  
  
"Good, your up. I was just coming to get you."  
  
"What are you doing?" the despair in my voice sounds pathetic even to my own ears.  
  
"It's time to go." she answers turning to adjust the straps on Argo's saddle.  
  
"Go where?" I demand.  
  
"Pack your things." she says, ignoring my question. "I want to leave as soon as possible."  
  
"No." I snap, firmly planting both feet, with arms defiantly folded across my chest. "Not till you tell me where we're going."  
  
As she spins to face me I see the old flame in her eyes. Swallowing hard I take an involuntary step back, waiting for the blow.  
  
Seeing my fear her anger fades as quickly as it came. Slowly she turns back to Argo. "Stay here if you want, but I'm leaving."  
  
Watching her reach for the saddle horn I know she means it. "Wait! I'll get my stuff."  
  
"I'll meet you in the square." she calls as I sprint away.  
  
-----------------------  
  
Back in the square I find Ephiny desperately pleading with the warrior.  
  
"Xena, just stay for a few more days. At least give your wounds a little more time to heal."  
  
"I can't." answers Xena shaking her head.  
  
"Why not?" begs the Amazon, placing a hand on a broad shoulder. "Is it because of what happened yesterday? It's over Xena, no one will threaten you with it again."  
  
"I know that."  
  
"Then stay. You'll be safe with us. No one would dare come for you here."  
  
"Ephiny, no one is going to come for me." answers Xena as she adjust Argo's harness.  
  
"We both know there are people out there who want you dead and they know now is the time to attack. While your defenses are down."  
  
"Who says my defenses are down." asks Xena raising a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"You know what I mean. There are many who know you are grieving and would use it against you. Besides, you need time to heal physically."  
  
"I'll be alright." assures the warrior focusing on Argo's tack once more.  
  
Ephiny looks away. "Is it because I allowed you to be punished?"  
  
The warrior's hands pause in their work and slowly she turns to face the younger woman. "Ephiny, you are an Amazon Queen you did what Amazon law demands. You don't..."  
  
"I know what Amazon law demands." snaps the young Queen, then her tones softens. "But I could have chosen something else. I never thought you would almost ... if Noleta had succeeded, I would have lost another friend." her voice cracks with emotion.  
  
"Ephiny, you did what you had to do."  
  
"No. I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment." her head drops unable to face the warrior. "When the scouts told me you were coming all the old memories and anger from your last visit came rushing back. At first I tried to tell myself it was because you attacked the village and hurt Gabrielle..." taking a deep breath she meets Xena's gaze. "but the truth is my pride was hurt and I wanted you to suffer for it." her eyes drop once more. "I wanted to see you humbled. I'm ashamed for my weakness." once more she faces the warrior's gaze. "Can you forgive me?"  
  
Placing a hand upon the younger woman's shoulder Xena shakes her head in disbelief. "Ephiny you've done nothing to forgive. I attacked you in a fit of anger. You and your people have every right to be angry with me, to hate me." a sad smile tugs that the corners of her mouth. "The question is can you ever forgive me?"  
  
Ephiny grasps the hand resting on her shoulder and smiles warmly. "I already have."  
  
Releasing the breath I've been holding I watch quietly as Xena reaches to embrace her friend. A high pitched squeal stops the warrior.  
  
"Aunt Xena!"  
  
From across the square a centaur boy of no more than four summers runs towards us. A wide smile spreads across his face as he reaches for the warrior.  
Returning the smile she kneels to embrace the child. "Xenan."  
  
Pulling away from her his smile never wavers. "Hello, Aunt Xena."  
  
"Hello." she replies affectionately brushing a stray hair from his face.  
  
"Mummie why didn't you tell me Aunt Xena and Aunt Gabrielle were here?" Asks the child giving his mother an accusing pout.  
  
"I...we..." My heart goes out to the Amazon Queen as she fumbles for an answer.  
  
"She's been very busy." answers Xena.  
  
Once more he offers the warrior a broad smile. "Where is Aunt Gabrielle? I have a story for her."  
  
Xena stiffens at the question. "She's not here, sweetheart."  
  
"Will she be here soon?" asks the child innocently.  
  
"Son..." begins Ephiny, but Xena cuts her off.  
  
"Xenan" she takes the child's hands in her own. "you know your Aunt Gabrielle loves you very much, don't you?"  
  
"I know."  
  
"And there's nothing she would love more then to be here sharing stories with you. But...something happened and she had to go away."  
  
"When is she coming back?"  
  
As Xena brushes his hair back, I can see she is fighting to keep control. "She's not coming back."  
  
"Not ever?" asks the child quietly.  
  
"No." answers the warrior softly caressing his cheek. "Not ever." her voice is so heavy with emotion I wonder how she stands the weight.  
  
Tears are brimming in the child's eyes as he looks from the warrior to his mother and back again. Leaning close to the large woman he timidly whispers. "Did she go away like Solan?"  
  
My heartbreaks as Xena's head drops and her shoulder's begin to shake. "yes..." I hear her whisper.  
  
"Don't cry Aunt Xena," begs the child as he brushes a small hand across her cheek. "If Aunt Gabrielle is with Solan than they must be with my Daddy and he will take good care of them."  
  
With an emotional gasp Xena gathers the boy up in strong arms. "I hope so, sweetheart, I hope so."  
  
My eyes catch Ephiny's and we both look away wiping at tears.  
  
Finally Xenan wiggles free from the smothering embrace. "Will you stay with me?"  
  
Ephiny's hand reaches for the boy's shoulder, but her eyes search out the warrior. "Please."  
  
Xena holds the Amazon's gaze, perhaps they've finally reached her. Then she turns to the child. "I'm sorry, Xenan I have to go."  
  
"No." Grabbing his mother's skirt. "Mummie, make her stay."  
  
"I wish I could, sweetheart." answers the Amazon gently stroking the boy's hair.  
  
"Hey." Xena takes the boy by the shoulder's waiting for him to look at her. "I've got some things I need to do. But, when I'm finished, if I can I'll be back, okay?"  
  
"Promise?" asks the child.  
  
"Promise." answers Xena.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You take care of your Mother alright."  
  
"I will." a smile returns to his young face.  
  
"Good boy." Cupping his chin she winks at him before raising to her feet.  
  
Though Ephiny's jaw is firmly set I can see her emotions are running close to the surface. "Take care of yourself." she orders, offering a hand to the larger woman.  
  
With a sad smile Xena grasps the offered forearm. "Always."  
  
Refusing to release the warrior, tears start to brim in the younger woman's eyes. As her lower lip begins to quiver I wonder how much longer she can hold out. Suddenly she pulls the warrior into a loving embrace, which is returned without hesitation.  
  
"You'll always have a home here, Xena. Don't ever forget that."  
  
"I won't."  
  
Reluctantly the Amazon releases her. With a warm smile Xena turns and mounts Argo. As I start to follow a strong hand holds me back. Startled by the gesture I face Ephiny.  
  
"Take care of her, Joxer. She needs you." says the Amazon offering me her hand.  
  
Standing tall I accept the hand. "I'll do my best." I vow.  
  
A smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "I know you will."  
  
"Joxer, it's time to go." calls Xena.  
  
Giving Ephiny's hand a firm shake I turn and mount my horse.  
  
With a quick wave, Xena whirls Argo and starts for the edge of the village. Nodding goodbye I follow her path. As we enter the forest I steal a quick backwards glance. Ephiny and Xenan are still standing in the square watching us. I hope I have the strength to keep my promise to the Amazon Queen. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
Rays of midday sunlight cut through the branches of the trees surrounding us. The forest is alive with the activities of small creatures who seem indifferent to our presence. Lowering myself face down onto a patch of soft grass I dip a hand into the cool, fast moving waters of a small brook. It's hard to believe the Amazon Nation is nearly three days ride behind us the events there seem like a lifetime ago. So much has happened in the last two weeks I have to wonder if any of it was real. Catching a glimpse of the faded black and blue marks covering Xena's face a shiver runs down my spine, yes it's real. Seated against a large oak tree with closed eyes she hardly looks like the fearless warrior I know her to be. Knowing the pain she's been through I suddenly feel very protective of her. Not that she would let me protect her, even if she needed it.  
  
While her shoulder and thigh are still bandaged the wounds seem to be healing well, at least I think they are, anytime I ask she brushes off the question. At least, she seems calmer now the unseen force, which drove her so hard to reach the Amazons is gone. The leisurely pace of the last few days has been a welcome change from the earlier neck breaking trip. We've even started using main roads again thank the Gods. I don't think my horse or my backside could have taken many more rough trails. While the ride has been easier I still don't know where we are heading. I get the feeling Xena is looking for something. But I'm not sure what, more importantly I don't think she knows what it is.  
  
Rolling onto my back I'm pleased to find the thick grass is nearly as soft as the bed I slept in last night. When Xena suggested we stay the night at a tavern I nearly fell off my horse. She's been less than social the last few days I was surprised she wanted to be around people. Through it was hardly a social visit. I don't think she said more than a dozen words all evening.  
  
Taking a deep breath I stare up at the clear, blue sky. The canopy of blue seems to go on forever. Chuckling to myself. 'Gabrielle probably has some story about how far the sky reaches.' Gabrielle, why did I have to think of her? For a moment I had actually forgotten, but just for a moment. Turning my attention back to the sky, desperately I try to recall the lighter feeling from a moment ago. But, it's no use as I stare at the ocean of blue I notice that at the far reaches of the blue is darkness. Though I try to focus on the blue I keep feeling myself being drawn to the darkness. Is this how the rest of my life will be always trying to escape the darkness? Distance screams interrupt my suffering. "What was that?"  
  
"Trouble." answers the warrior rolling to her feet and jumping onto Argo's back all in one motion. "It came from up ahead." Not waiting for a reply she kicks Argo into a trot leaving me scrambling for my horse.  
  
When I finally catch up she's already dismounted and slowly approaching a loose circle of six rough looking men. In the center of the circle they bat a petite figure back and forth in a deadly game of cat and mouse.  
  
Pausing to watch the men a wicked smirk crosses the large woman's face. It's a look I've seen many times before and hope never to be on the receiving end of. Causally she draws her sword resting the blade against an armored shoulder. "Hello boys." she purrs pausing for them to face her. "Mind if I play?"  
  
Turning away from the circle the largest and ugliest of the bunch moves to stand before the warrior. "Well, well what have we here?" Unexpectedly he turns to me. "What do you want?"  
  
"Well...I...that is."  
  
"He's of no concern." answers Xena. "I'm the one you need to worry about."  
  
The man laughs loudly even from a distance I can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Hey fellows, this one thinks she's a warrior."  
  
Xena chuckles with the others at the comment.  
  
As I watch the exchange I'm amazed at these idiots, they have no idea the danger they're in.  
  
"Hey sweetheart why don't you put that sword down and we'll have some fun?" Ugly smiles as he makes the offer, it does little to improve his appearance.  
  
"What did you have in mind." asks the warrior in a husky voice.  
  
I sigh in disbelief. 'Can't these fools see she's just playing with them. Why don't they run?'  
  
"Well," answers Ugly. "judging from them bruises on your face it looks like you like to play rough. That's fine by me. I like it rough."  
  
"I'm too rough for a 'little' man like you." coos Xena.  
  
The others laugh at the warrior's insult.  
  
"I can handle you." sneers the man taking a step towards her.  
  
"Don't count on it." answers Xena with a smirk.  
  
Startled by our arrival the men have momentary forgotten their prey. From within the circle a frail voice cries out. "Help me...please..."  
  
"Shut her up!" shouts the man who's been taunting Xena.  
  
One of the men slaps the small woman the force of the blow sends her to the ground.  
  
I notice Xena's smirk is now a snarl.  
  
From the ground the young woman raises her head looking to the warrior for help. As tear filled eyes meet cold blue ones I can almost hear Xena's heart skip a beat.  
  
"Lila?" the smile slips from the warrior's lips as she whispers the name.  
  
"Get up, slag!" growls the man who slapped the girl. When she doesn't move he strikes out burying a boot in her ribs. Vulgar laughter spreads among the men as the girl curls into a ball muffled sobs shake her body.  
  
As the man draws back his foot to strike again, Xena jumps forward driving the hilt of her sword into Ugly's face. He crumbles to the ground without a word. I've heard her battle cry many times, but never like this. She cries out like a wounded animal. Charging into the middle of the circle she cuts down anything or anyone unfortunate enough to be within her reach. Taken by surprise the men barely have time to draw their weapons as she descends upon them. Not that it does them any good. Her attack is swift and brutal within minutes three of the men lay dead another falls to her blade as I draw near.  
  
Ugly tries to shake off Xena's attack as he raises unsteadily, drawing his sword he turns to face the enraged woman. To his shock and dismay he finds the last of his friends slipping off the warrior's blade and in the realm of Hades.  
  
Spying the stunned man Xena starts toward him with a low growl. Realizing he is no match for the warrior Ugly throws down his sword. Falling to his knees he begins to beg for mercy. I watch closely as Xena stops before the sobbing man.  
  
"NO!" I scream as her sword raises for the deathblow.  
  
She pauses her entire body trembling with rage. Slowly the urge for bloodlust seeps away. Lowering the sword she kicks the man square in the face, dropping him to the ground unconscious.  
  
I sigh with relief while the fool will have a splitting headache at least he won't be begging Cheron for a boat ride.  
  
Quickly Xena moves to the curled up form lying in the dirt. Kneeling she gently touches the girl's arm. "Lila?" There is no reply. Carefully she slips an arm under the smaller woman's shoulders raising her gently. Still the girl does not stir.  
  
With great care she checks every scratch, cut and bruise on the girl. It's amazing to see this fearless warrior who moments before was cutting down men as if they were wheat stalks, now cradling the young woman as tenderly as a newborn child.  
  
"Is she alright?" I ask moving to her side.  
  
"She will be." answers the warrior without looking up from her patient. Slipping an arm beneath Lila's knees, she lifts the younger woman effortlessly. "We need to find somewhere to make camp."  
  
"What about them?" I motion toward the fallen bodies.  
  
"Their friend can bury them when he wakes up." she replies without a backward glance.  
  
Following her to the horses I hold the limp girl while she mounts Argo. Once in place she lifts the young woman up onto the saddle in front of her. Carefully she rests the girl's head against an armored shoulder holding her close. Grabbing the reins with her free hand she taps the large horse, urging her forward. Argo is already breaking a trot as I mount my horse.  
  
-----  
  
We ride for several leagues before Xena finds a suitable campsite. Quickly she dismounts and sets about making a blanket bed for her young charge.  
  
By the time I return from gathering extra firewood, Lila is safely tucked in. A pot is boiling on the fire, which Xena pauses at dropping several items from her medicine pouch into it.  
  
While Xena goes to the nearby brook to clean blood from her sword and armor I watch over the sleeping girl. Studying the peaceful face before me I can't find any trace of Gabrielle. When I first saw their parents it was obvious Gabrielle favored her Mother, now I realize Lila takes after her father. Groaning softly her eyes flutter open and she begins to stir. Without thinking I place a hand on her arm. "It's okay, just lay still."  
  
Her eyes open wide with fear and she screams. Unsuccessfully I try to quiet her fears.  
  
Suddenly Xena is beside me reaching for the screaming girl. Holding the girl close the warrior gently rocks her till the screams die down to whimpers. Slowly the whimpers fade as well.  
  
When Lila finally regains control she angrily wipes the back of her hand across tear stained eyes. "I'm alright." she hisses pushing Xena away.  
  
For just a moment I see the large woman's pain at the rejection, then it is gone.  
  
Lila's eyes dart fearfully back and forth as she searches the woods. "Where are the men who were after me?"  
  
"Don't worry about them." assures Xena. "They won't bother you again."  
  
Frowning the girl studies Xena's battered face. "What happened to you?"  
  
"Paid a visit to some old friends." answers the warrior. "Where are your parents?"  
  
"They're in Poteidaia."  
  
"Who was traveling with you?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"You're out here by yourself?"  
  
Unable to meet the warrior's accusing gaze the young woman's head drops. Yes."  
  
"Of all the stupid...!" Xena's anger startles me as much as it does Lila. Raising to her feet the warrior slowly paces before the girl. "What were you thinking going on the road alone? You could have been killed. What are you doing out here?"  
  
"I was looking for you."  
  
"Me?" Xena stops in her tracks. "Why?"  
  
"I want some answers and you're the only one who can give them to me."  
  
"What type of answers?" asks the warrior suspiciously, as she slowly kneels before the girl.  
  
"I want to know how and why my sister died."  
  
Now it's Xena who looks away. "Didn't Saraphen tell you what happened?"  
  
"Yes, but she told me things I know can't be true. I want the truth Xena. You knew Gab better than anyone. Will you tell me?" she pleads.  
  
Xena studies her for a moment, slowly she raisies and turns away. Surely she's not going to leave the girl wondering. Going to the pile of gear she retrieves Gabrielle's bag. Kneeling before Lila she offers the bag to the younger woman. "All of your answers are in here."  
  
Lila eyes the bag with uncertainty. "What's this?"  
  
"Gabrielle's scrolls."  
  
"Scrolls?" scoffs Lila with distain. "What good are a bunch of stories going to do me?"  
  
"They are more than just stories, they're a part of her. Everything she has thought or felt during our time together is contained in these scrolls. All your answers are there in her own words."  
  
With a trembling hand Lila reaches for the bag. As she begins to open it Xena moves to the fire and stirs the pot.  
  
Carefully she fills a cup with steaming brew and returns to Lila's side. "Here," offering the cup. "drink this. But, be careful it's hot.  
  
"What is it?" asks Lila sniffing the contents with a frown.  
  
"It'll help the soreness in your ribs."  
  
The girl looks from the cup to the warrior and back. "Thanks." she mumbles.  
  
--------  
  
Dusk is setting in as Lila lays another scroll atop a growing pile rubbing her eyes she takes a sip from the now cold cup of tea. For the first time since the temple Xena has actually made an attempt to hunt. Her efforts have netted two rabbits, which hang roasting over the fire. It's strange how much Xena's behavior has changed since we found Lila. She hovers over the girl like a mother hen protecting a chick.  
  
"You should eat something." I hear her say as Lila reaches for another scroll.  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"You need to eat." insist the warrior. Reaching for one of the rabbit's she cuts a large piece of meat from it. As she places the meat on a plate I notice there is bread, cheese, and berries there as well. "Eat." she orders sitting the plate in the girl's lap.  
  
Lila hesitates at first but as the aroma of roasted meat drifts upward her stomach growls. Attempting to hide an embarrassed grin she dives into the meal. By the time she is finished all of one rabbit is gone and part of the other. I can't help wondering how her family managed to feed her and Gabrielle.  
  
Munching on berries she turns to Xena. "Those stories are they all true?"  
  
"For the most part."  
  
"Which parts?"  
  
"Gabrielle has...had a bad habit of writing mostly about me and down playing her role in the stories. All of her stories happened the only thing missing from them is her." she smiles sadly.  
  
Lila ponders this silently for a moment. "Why did she do that?"  
  
"She always said people wanted to hear about the hero, not the sidekick." the smile slips away. "She was wrong."  
  
"About what people wanted to hear?" asks Lila.  
  
"No, about being a sidekick. She was more than that, she was my friend, my family."  
  
"Have you ever read her scrolls?"  
  
"No," Xena shakes her head laughing loudly.  
  
The sound shocks me, it's the first time I've heard her laugh in a long time.  
  
"There was never any need. Gabrielle has told me her stories over and over and over again. Working out every line, every word had to be prefect. It has to flow she would say." a distant look enters her eyes as a sad smile graces her face. "They have to sing so the song is sweet." her head bows and I realize her hands are trembling.  
  
"You should read them"  
  
"Why?" answers the warrior without looking up.  
  
"Because she has written more than just stories." the girl pauses for a moment seeming to choose her next words carefully. "She loved you."  
  
"I know." answers the warrior softly.  
  
"Did you love her?" there is an almost accusing tone to Lila's voice.  
  
Xena meets her gaze. "Yes."  
  
Lila stares at her for a moment before padding the pile of parchments. "Even after all the two of you have been through, you were able to forgive each other. Why?"  
  
"She was my family." answers Xena.  
  
"She says the same about you many, many times. You gave her so much."  
  
"No, she gave me everything. All I ever gave her was heartache."  
  
"That's not the way Gabrielle saw it. You gave her the one thing no one in Poteidaia would allow her. You gave her the freedom to be herself. The freedom to enjoy all the things she would have missed had she stayed."  
  
"If she had stayed she'd still be alive." answers the warrior.  
  
"Physically maybe. But if she had stayed her spirit would have died long ago. By following you she followed her heart. I know my sister Xena, being with you made her happy, she wouldn't have wanted it any other way."  
  
"Neither would I." whispers Xena.  
  
"I have a more questions, will you answer them?"  
  
"I'll try." replies the warrior. As Lila begins to speak Xena lowers herself onto the blanket beside the girl, listening intently to every word.  
  
There they sat talking quietly as darkness settled in and well after it had claimed the day. It was good to see Xena finally talking to someone. Occasionally Lila would break down, each time Xena would hold her till the crying passed. Though Xena offers the girl comfort I can tell the warrior is holding back, refusing to express her own feelings. Watching the girl give into another crying fit I feel a twinge of envy. If only I could show my pain so easily. Rolling over in my bedroll I try to call up some pleasant memory of Gabrielle, but the only one that will come is the sight of her falling into the pit. Closing my eyes against the image I beg Morpheus to claim me before the memory drives me mad. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
Singing birds and bright sunlight awaken me from a deep sleep. Studying the morning sky with a lazy eye I sigh contently before pulling the blanket over my head. I'll just grab a few more winks, Xena won't mind. 'Xena'. the warrior never sleeps this late. What if she's gone? Immediately fear and panic seize me. Throwing the blanket aside I roll to my knees only to be stopped by an unexpected sight. Across from the long, dead fire Xena lays sound asleep, beside her a blanket gently raises and falls. A small tuff of hair poking from beneath it is the only sign of Lila's presents. Relieved to find my fears are unnecessary I slowly lower myself back to the bedroll. Satisfied all is well I pull the blanket back over my head and drift off to a somewhat peaceful sleep.  
  
-------  
  
"Joxer wake up." I hear Xena call as she gently shakes me.  
  
"Wh...what?"  
  
"We need to get going." she says raising and moving toward the rebuilt fire.  
  
Wiping sleep from my eyes I notice more than a candlemark has passed since I first awoke. Stretching out the kinks I roll to my feet and join the women at the fire. As I drop to the ground next to Lila, the girl offers me a plate. "We saved you some breakfast."  
  
"Thanks." I reply shoving a large piece of bread into my mouth.  
  
While I eat Xena begins packing up our gear.  
  
"Where are we heading?" I ask.  
  
"Potiedaia." answers the warrior. "We need to get Lila home."  
  
"You don't have to do that." insists the girl.  
  
"I'm not going to let you roam the country side alone."  
  
Lila's hands shoot to her hips. "I can take care of myself." she announces.  
  
Watching the exchange I nearly chuckle out loud at Lila's definite gesture, there's no doubt she's Gabby's sister.  
  
"This is not up for debate." replies Xena.  
  
Approaching hoofbeats end the discussion. In the distance a small group of men ride into sight. I notice Xena slipping her chakram from Argo's saddle. Thought I'm surprised and a little concerned when she leaves her sword and breastplate behind.  
  
Most of the men appear to be carrying simple axes and small bows. It appears to be more of a hunting party than a raid. As the group draws closer Xena steps forward to meet them. The lead rider heads straight for Xena and I realize the men are part of a search party. Before the leader's horse comes to a complete stop the man jumps from the animal and storms toward the waiting warrior. "Where is she?!"  
  
Xena does not react to the threat in his voice. "She's safe."  
  
Lila runs pass the warrior. "Father, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I let one daughter chase after this 'woman', I'll not lose another one to her."  
  
"I wasn't trying to follow Xena." answers Lila, apparently stunned by the suggestion  
  
"You're right," growls the man grabbing her roughly by the arm. "you're coming home where you belong."  
  
"Father wait you don't understand..." cries the girl trying to pull away.  
  
Anger flares in his eyes. "I understand that this woman killed your sister. I won't let her have you too."  
  
"Herodotus," begins Xena stepping towards him. "Lila wasn't trying to follow me, she just wanted some answers."  
  
"She doesn't need to hear any of your lies! Lila get on the horse we're leaving."  
  
"Father please."  
  
"Get on the horse!" screams the near hysteria man.  
  
"Not till you listen to me!"  
  
Herodotus's face turns blood red as his anger reaches the danger point. Glaring at Xena. "You've turn her against me as well I see."  
  
"I haven't turned her against you, she's just trying to understand what happened to her sister."  
  
"What happened to her sister is you! You stole her away in the dark of night."  
  
"I didn't steal her away. Gabrielle left of her own free will."  
  
"You filled her head with all of your talk of hero nonsense! Why didn't you send her back?!  
  
"She won't have stayed." answers the warrior softly.  
  
"Lair!" growls the Farmer as he charges headlong at Xena. Effortlessly she sidesteps his attack. Breezing past her the man trips over a rock and crashes to the ground.  
  
The other men have dismounted and are exchanging uncertain glances. Apparently they don't share Herodotus's desire to challenge the warrior.  
  
Mumbling curses Herodotus shakes dust and dirt from his face. Starting to raise he pauses for a moment before reaching for a large piece of firewood lying nearby. Grabbing it he rolls to his feet with an angry grunt. Holding the wood as a club he faces Xena again. "I warned you about interfering with my family."  
  
"I won't fight you, Herodotus." announces Xena.  
  
"We'll see about that." Swinging the wood over his head the man charges.  
  
Calmly Xena waits for the attack. Once more the man charges and once more he misses the agile warrior. "Herodotus, stop this before you get hurt."  
  
"I'll stop when I have your blood." Again he charges with the wood held high.  
  
"Father, no!" cries Lila jumping in front of the warrior as Herodotus starts to swing again.  
  
The rest happens so quickly I'm not sure I've seen it all.  
  
"Lila!" cries Xena lunging for the girl. Grabbing Lila in a smothering embrace she twists moving the girl out of harms way. As the warrior's body turns the wood slams into her bandaged shoulder. Releasing the girl Xena staggers back a step holding the injured shoulder.  
  
"Murderer!" screams Herodotus slamming the wood into unprotected ribs with a sickening thud.  
  
Gasping for air Xena drops to her knees clutching the battered ribs. As she falls I realize the blow must have landed on already bruised ribs.  
  
"Xena!" Lila rushes to the warrior's side.  
  
"Get out of the way!" orders Herodotus raising the wood for another blow.  
  
"No, Father don't do this!" begs the girl.  
  
The others are drawing closer, seeing the warrior fall has given them courage.  
  
'No, no more.' This latest abuse of my friend is more than I can stand. Rage drives me forward, yelling like a madman I push Herodotus away. Before he strikes the ground my sword has cleared its scabbard. "Get back!"  
  
One of the men steps forward as if to challenge me. "Get back!" raising the sword I step toward him. "I'll kill the next man that touches her!" The threat works after several uncertain glances they fall back.  
  
Behind me Lila is helping her father to his feet. Angrily he pulls away from her gripping the wood tightly.  
  
Though I can't turn to check I'm relive to hear Xena's breathing is steadier but she has made no effort to rise. Herodotus takes a step toward her.  
  
Quickly I step in his path leveling the sword at his chest. "Back off."  
  
Ignoring me he's hatred burns only for Xena. Will I be forced to fight him? The last thing I want is to hurt Gabrielle's father, but I won't stand by and let him kill my friend.  
  
He moves to step around me and once again I block his path. Looking from me to Xena and back again I can see the anger in him. Finally he drops the wood. "Come Daughter!" Whirling he stalks toward the horses.  
  
Breathing a silent sigh of relief I wait till he has reached the horses before turning to help Xena to her feet. Though she raises without complaint her face is pale and she sways unsteadily.  
  
Lila follows her father for several steps then sudden turns and runs to stand before Xena. She stares at the warrior without saying anything, then without warning she hugs the warrior. Xena appears too stunned to respond. Releasing the large woman, Lila smiles up at her. "Read the scrolls."  
  
"Lila!" bellows Herodotus.  
  
Before Xena can reply the girl runs to her father. Quickly he pulls her up behind him, turning the horse to leave they pause to offer the warrior a final look. Lila is smiling while Herodotus offers a look of pure hatred. Then they are gone.  
  
Once they are out of sight Xena staggers to the fire and drops to the ground leaning heavily against a nearby log. I sit down beside her. Staring at the sword still in my hand, I begin to shake at the realization of how close I came to killing. Resting my head against the weapon I try to shut out the images of Herodotus standing before me. Feeling a hand on my shoulder I turn to find Xena staring at me.  
  
"You okay?" she asks.  
  
"Yeah, I..."turning toward her I notice a crimson spot slowly spreading across the bandage covering her shoulder. "You're bleeding."  
  
Lifting the bandage she shrugs. "Looks like a couple of the stitches broke. My medicine pouch is on Argo's saddle. Would you get it?"  
  
Not bothering to answer I rush to retrieve the pouch. "Here." offering her the bag.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Helping her remove the bandage I watch as she clears the wound before repairing the damage. Once finished she allows me to help rewrap the wound.  
  
With the bandage securely in place she rolls to her feet and finishes packing.  
  
"What are you doing?" I ask in disbelief.  
  
"We need to get moving."  
  
"Why? We don't need to go to Poteidaia now. What's the rush?"  
  
"We've wasted most of the morning and I want to reach the river before dark."  
  
"You need to rest." I insist.  
  
"I've rested long enough, right now I need to ride." With that she pulls herself up into the saddle. "You coming?" Not waiting for a reply she turns Argo toward the road.  
  
Shaking my head in frustration I jump into the saddle. "Yeah I'm coming."  
  
Before I can draw close she kicks Argo into a trot, ending any chances of conversation. Forcing my mount to catch up I wonder how much longer she thinks she can run away from the pain. What's more I'm not sure how much longer I can. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
The fire is as alive and angry as my thoughts, images of my torment dance within the raging flames. Stealing a glance over the campfire I watch Xena leisurely sharpening her sword. It's as thought the last couple of weeks had not occurred. I find her calmness disturbing and a bit frustrating. Studying the faded bruises on her face I can feel my temper raising. She had been willing to die to stop Hope, but Gabrielle wouldn't allow her to make that sacrifice. While Gabrielle denied her death she has pursued it on her own. Memories of the warrior's actions over the last few days rush at me and suddenly I feel so angry. How, how can she waste her life after the sacrifice Gabrielle made for her?  
  
Finally I can stand it no more. "Xena we need to talk."  
  
"About what?" she asks without looking up from her sword.  
  
"Why did you go to the Amazon's?"  
  
Pausing in mid stroke she does not meet my gaze. "I had to tell them what happened." She answers before resuming the sharpening ritual.  
  
"You could have sent a messenger."  
  
"No, I couldn't. It would have been disrespectful to Gabrielle's memory."  
  
"So letting the Amazon's 'punish' you was an attempt to honor Gabrielle's memory?" I hadn't meant for it to sound so sarcastic.  
  
She gives me a hard look before turning her attention back to the sword. "Yes."  
  
"What about her father?"  
  
"What about him?  
  
"Were you 'honoring' Gabrielle's memory when you let him beat you half to death?"  
  
Again she pauses, but this time she does not look up. "That was different."  
  
"Would you have let him kill you?"  
  
Still she does not look at me. "I won't raise a sword against him."  
  
I can't let it go. "But would you have let him kill you?"  
  
"I owe him a debt I can't repay."  
  
"Are we going to travel all over Greece letting everyone one who 'owes' you, get a chance to try and kill you?"  
  
"You're free to go whenever you want." she snaps, angrily drawing the stone against the sword. "No one is holding you here."  
  
The coldness in her voice hurts. After all we've been through she's just going brush me off? No, I won't back down not this time. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About Gabrielle."  
  
Finally she looks at me. "What about her?  
  
"How much longer are you going to ignore her death?"  
  
"I'm not ignoring anything."  
  
"Yes, you are. You won't talk about what happened."  
  
"There's nothing to talk about. She's gone and I can't bring her back." Turning back to sword she begins the steady rasping once more.  
  
Even now she is going to ignore it, well no more.  
  
Before I realize what's happened I'm on my feet. In two strides I reach her and yank the sword from her hands. "Enough!" Without thinking I toss the weapon across the camp. "We need to talk!"  
  
With an almost animal like cry she leaps to her feet grasping my throat with both hands. The pressure on my throat forces me to rise to my toes. Still the force threatens to crush my windpipe. Just as darkness starts to overtake me the pressure is gone. I drop to my knees gasping for air. Strong hands massage my back and chest.  
  
"Joxer I...try to relax and breath easy."  
  
I hear her velvet voice say through the haze. Slowly my breathing returns to normal. Rubbing my throat I lean back on my heels to stare at the woman kneeling beside me.  
  
"Xena." I whisper. Meeting her sad eyes I cannot hold their gaze and drop mine to search the ground. "I can't go on like this...I..." A gentle hand touches my shoulder and I look up to find her staring at me with tear filled eyes.  
  
"I know." she says quietly. "I know."  
  
Suddenly the lump in my throat threatens to strangle me, memories and emotions come rushing at me. Unable to fight them any longer I lean forward wrapping my arms around myself as heart wrenching sobs rack my body. An agonizing scream pierces the night air and I realize the voice is my own. Just when I'm certain my heart will break from despair I feel strong arms encircle me. Firmly yet gently they cradle me and I feel myself being rocked slowly as through I were a child. At first there are whispered assures but they slowly fade as Xena finally gives into her own grief. Her grip on me tightens as she allows her own sobs to mingle with mine. We remain there for what seems like an eternity offering each other the comfort we each long for. Cradled in this secure embrace I allow all of the pain to come forth and when the tears are finally spent I drift off to sleep.  
  
------------------  
  
It is daylight when I awake to find myself laying on Xena's bedroll. As I lift the blanket to rise a familiar scent lingers on it. With it comes a flood of memories. I allow the memories to carry me along enjoying their power. The blanket is Gabrielle's Xena has allowed me a chance to enjoy something, which was once my beloved's. It is an act of kindness for which I will be eternally grateful.  
  
"Breakfast is ready."  
  
I return to the land of the living to find Xena smiling at me from across the campfire. There is an easiness about her I have not seen in a long time. Her shoulders seem less slumped and the smile she offers actually reaches her eyes. Though there is a veiled sadness behind the shine.  
  
Rising I join her at the fire and we eat in silence. Once the meal is complete we begin the chore of breaking camp. As the last of her belongings are strapped into place she leaps into the saddle. Climbing upon my own mount I follow her down the path.  
  
-----------------  
  
Midday is approaching as we top a grassy knoll. Xena pulls Argo to a halt and slips from the saddle. Dismounting myself, I move to her side looking for what has captured her attention. Searching the gently rolling, grassy ridges I can see nothing of interest.  
  
"This is where you and I first met." she says staring across the ridge.  
  
She's right this is the plain where I tried to join her 'army'. Slowly a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth at the images of my first encounter with the Warrior Princess and the Bard.  
  
"Seems like the right place to say good bye."  
  
I shake my head certain I've misunderstood her. "good bye?"  
  
"Yes, it's time."  
  
"But, Xena we..."  
  
"It's time." she repeats, turning to face me she smiles warmly. "Go home, Joxer."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"I'll survive." sadness fills her voice. "I always do."  
  
Unable to walk away I start to protest. "You shouldn't be alone."  
  
"I won't be."  
  
"But, you need... we should..." disparate for something to change her mind, I give voice to the thoughts that have been haunting me. "Gabrielle said we were like family. Family sticks together."  
  
Watching her eyebrow arch with a questioning look I wonder if I've gone too far. Placing a hand on my shoulder she stares deep into my eyes. "Trust me, Joxer, you don't want to be my family. Members of my family don't live very long."  
  
"I'm willing to risk it."  
  
A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth and suddenly she pulls me into a tight hug. Stunned I slowly return the embrace.  
  
"Thank you." I hear her whisper.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being there when I needed you."  
  
'I was there for her? How can that be?' Holding her tighter I'm at a loss for words.  
  
After a moment she pulls away and I feel her lips brush my cheek. "Allow yourself time to grieve, Joxer." Then she turns and mounts Argo.  
  
"Where will you go?" I ask.  
  
"Home." she answers looking out over the plains. "I need to give myself some time to think, to heal... to grieve." Turning back to me she pats the leather bag hanging by her leg. "Besides, I've got some reading to do." Then she smiles warmly. "You take care of yourself and try to stay out of trouble...friend." Not waiting for a reply she spurs Argo and they trot off across the plain.  
  
"You too...friend." I whisper to her retreating form. Watching her disappear over the far ridge I know no matter how long she takes to heal she will never be the same warrior princess who met me on this grassy plain so long ago. And I'll never be the same for having known her and an 'irritating little blond' who stole my heart. 


	14. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
Seated against an aged oak the large woman watched Argo drink from a nearby brook. 'She's looking thin.' noted the warrior. 'What she really needs is a long rest.' with a snort she added aloud. "We both do." Leaning her head against the old tree she tried to gather her thoughts from the last few days. Things had not worked out as she had planned, course lately they seldom did. After leaving Joxer she had intended to returned home, but when an exhausted messenger had stumbled into her campsite with a plea for help from a nearby village she had been unable to refuse.  
  
Arriving in the village she had only to wait a couple of days for the raiders to return. Once the battle began it had taken least than a candlemark for her to kill the leader, his second-in-command and more than half of the small group. The rest had run for the hills not daring to look back. With the bandits gone for good the villagers planned a large feast to thank the warrior, but while they were busy with the preparations Xena had slipped away unnoticed. There was no room in her heart for a celebration, not when memories of Gabrielle's death still haunted her.  
  
All she really wanted at the moment was to see her mother, to tell her of what had happened and perhaps to find some comfort from her loneliness. But such comfort would had to wait as Amphiplois lay more than a weeks ride away. Closing her eyes the warrior allowed her tired body to relax, though even with the quiet forest surrounding her, peaceful thoughts refused to come.  
  
Once again she wondered if it had been a mistake to leave Joxer behind. Perhaps it had been too soon. Since leaving him the days had been lonelier then she ever imagined. While he was still the bumbling idiot he had always been there was a comfortable familiarity about his presence. And as much as she hated to admit, she missed him. If she left right away she might be able to catch up to him in a couples of days. 'No.' she thought shaking her head slowly, he needed to move on with his life and her presence would only be a painful memory of what he had lost. What 'they' had lost. For now it would be better if their lives traveled different paths, she decided.  
  
Staring down at the leather bag resting in her lap she sighed heavily, though she had tried several times she could not bring herself to open it. Fingering the leather tie she tried once more, but something kept holding her back. While Gabrielle had never denied her access to the scrolls there had always been an unspoken understanding between them. The scrolls were Gabrielle's private sanctuary, the place where she went to deal with the troubles, challenges and changes life had dealt them. Though Gabrielle had reveled in telling every story over and over again, Xena knew there was much more then heroic tales written upon the tightly rolled parchments. It was these private thoughts, which make the warrior leery. By reading them now she was somehow peeping into the bard's heart in a way she had not been invited to before. Reading them without her friend being there somehow felt like a violation of the young woman's trust. What was worse the violation was an admission that her friend was gone and Xena just wasn't ready to accept that not yet. Caressing the unopen bag loneliness tugged harder at the warrior's heart, how could she read about their past when there was no longer any chance of a future together. If only there were some way to speak with Gabrielle to tell her all the things that needed to be said to ask all the questions left unanswered.  
  
So lost in her thoughts was the warrior she did not notice the stranger approaching until Argo nudged her shoulder with a warning nay. Suddenly aware of the newcomer Xena rose to her feet with sword in hand. The man stopped in his tracks at the sight of the armed woman, for a moment he considered turning and running, but his legs no longer had the energy to comply. Dropping to his knees he raised his hands in surrender. "I have nothing to offer you, the others have already taken everything."  
  
Xena stared at the beaten man for a moment. "What others?"  
  
"The raiders, they attacked my village. They took everything and what they couldn't take they killed. Men, women, children even the animals." The man fell silent as the memories over took him.  
  
"How long ago did this happen?"  
  
"Least then half a candlemark." answered the man.  
  
"Where is your village?" asked the warrior, a hint of excitement entered her voice.  
  
"What?" asked the man.  
  
Snatching him by the collar, Xena nearly pulled him to his feet. "Your village, where is it?" she demanded.  
  
Stunned by the warrior's outburst the man pointed back the direction he had arrived from. "Just over the ridge."  
  
Releasing the man Xena turned and mounted Argo. As the horse bolted forward the warrior's mind raced ahead as well. When entire villages were destroyed Hades would often oversee the handling of the dead himself. If she hurried she just might make it in time to catch him outside the underworld. Once she had Hades cornered she could convince him to let her speak with Gabrielle. And convince him she would one way or another. As Argo topped the ridge she could see the smothering village below. Ignoring the dangerous, sandy incline she urged the warhorse forward. Then Hades's chariot came into sight and she charged toward it. 'Soon, Gabrielle, soon.' she promised as she slipped from the saddle and stalked toward the God of the Underworld.  
  
The end  
  
Hope you enjoyed the journey.  
  
Onora 


End file.
